Confessions of a Single Mother

Welcome to Dear Serenity. An online journal I am keeping for my baby girl. I hope that as she grows older she will see how much she is loved by everyone and some major events that happened in her life. Something she will never remember, but I will never forget.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Monday January 19, 2009

They All Mean Well...

As of last Tuesday, I made a decision that many believed was long overdue.

I let him go. 

Someone asked me if he loved me.

Sadly, I dont know the answer to that.

Then they asked me if he loved her.

And in my heart I want to say yes...

but I can't help but wonder.

Actions speak louder than words...and his actions and words never match up.

If you love something let it go.  And I did.

I did it because I wasn't happy.  Now that it's done, I'm still not happy.

I guess in life we can't all be happy....

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Just Some Holiday Photos & Update

7 months ago I gave birth to Serenity and my life changed forever.
Not quite sure if it changed for the better, but becoming a mommy has definitely changed my life.

There are so many time that I sit and wonder...
WHAT IF.
What if this. What if that. What if everything.
I can honestly say that there are many things in my life that I second guess on and at the same time I don't ever regret doing any of it.  Even to this day...if  I had done things differently, the one thing that means everything to me now wouldn't even be a part of my life.  I wouldn't have Serenity. But I DO have her. And she's my life & so much more.

There are many people who wonder why I am still with Ricky.  And honestly, it's does not matter why I'm still with Ricky. He's not with them. He's with me.  If these people care than they should understand than they would support the decision I make.  And right now, that decision is Ricky.  He may not be the best boyfriend there is, but as long as I know he's making an effort, that's all that matters.  Not only that, but he does love Serenity and he does what he can for her.  And I am very grateful.  There are some guys who has babies and does not even care about them.  I'm lucky to have Ricky be a part of my life.  Thanks to him, I have my baby girl.  I will forever be grateful for that and if no one can understand why, than they truly are not my friend. Yes I do cry when I feel that he's disregarded many of things I've spoken with him about, but if I was with someone else that's not a guarantee that the next guy wont make me cry. I don't know what the future will bring but on the same note, no one really does. These people claim that they are worried about me and that's the only reason why they keep repeating the same thing over to me.  It amazes me how hypocritical some people can be. *sigh* What difference does it make if I'm with Ricky or not? I'm happy & content. I don't need to make millions of dollars and get braces so that I look better.  I'm not trying to impress anyone with my looks, and if some guy does like because of my looks. than he's not worth being with.  I don't get why so many people are so set on me getting braces.  If I don't care for it, why would they?  I may not be as pretty as the next person, but looks are everything.  I see so many people that went from ugly duckling to a swan...and frankly, when they were an ugly duckling, they were a better person.  I don't know.  Maybe that's just me.

Serenity got to celebrate her first Christmas.  We didn't take any pictures on New Year's so sorry. Hey, at least I got the Christmas pictures though :)


Christmas morning. She's already got bedhead...I love the look on her face in this picture.

Christmas afternoon & evening @ auntie's house.  She's the best present I ever received...She just came six & a half months early...good timing Ricky! LoL
   
   
   
    
 
And this was in the late evening with Daddy.  She's starting to stand :(

She's growing up so quick *sigh*

New Year's Resolutions:

Budget...
Scrapbook More...
Be happy.

1 out of three ain't bad so far,,,LoL

Well, I'm off to bed.  Happy late New Year's!