Confessions of a Single Mother

Welcome to Dear Serenity. An online journal I am keeping for my baby girl. I hope that as she grows older she will see how much she is loved by everyone and some major events that happened in her life. Something she will never remember, but I will never forget.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

Dear Serenity,

First off, YOU are my life.
And I figured now would be just as good as any other to tell you of Mommy and Daddy.

Mommy and Daddy met in 2007. April. I had skipped class and I met your father at Rave...we had lunch @ Raising Cane's in the mall. Of course I did most of the talking. We took a trip to the LSU lakes and just hung out. And pretty much ever since then we were spending everyday together.
Mommy and Daddy had ups and downs before I found out I was pregnant with you.  Daddy didnt speak to Mommy for two days. And when he came around I thought that we would be one big happy family. But that wasnt the case.
Maybe Daddy got nervous...Mommy's hormones...but there were many times through the pregnancy that I needed him by myside...and he wasnt. For someone who was pregnant I felt so alone. And in a way I think that is one of the reasons why your father and I are not together.  We all make mistakes. We all grow up. We all forgive....but unfortunately I cant forget. Even with this mommy brain sympton I have.  I remember I called your daddy to tell him about the doctor appointments...and he said he would show up. Your aunt Julie came with  me the first time I heard your heartbeat. It was a shame your daddy wasnt there to share the excitement with me that day.  Even my exboyfriend drove from Houston to wait in the waiting room with me for an hour just so I can get my check up that lasted 15 minutes.  Your aunt Julie & uncle Hum was there that day too...The baby classes...your daddy never came. He came once to find out that you were a girl...and then when you finally came.

June 3, 2008...@ 5:30 we were already admitted into the delivery room...and from there through June 8th...Daddy stayed with us.  After that when you came home...He came over everyday for the first 2 weeks....then he would cut back and come every other day...then a 3 days...and eventually i think it dwindled down to once a week.  The 2nd and 3rd month you spent time with daddy while mommy work and you were spending time with Taylor's grandmother too....
One night when you were a few months old, you were so upset. You didnt sleep. You  just cried. And @ 5 AM we left your daddy's place to go back to my house.

So many people told me that it was better if I didnt not try to make things work with your daddy....and I still tried. Lord knows I don't cook...Your aunt Minie and I spent over 6 hours getting dinner ready one night...after dinner your daddy went to see your uncle and told us he would be home shortly...he never came home.

There are great people in the world that does stupid things and make stupid decisions. And guess what....we cant change them. They have to want to change for themselves.

There were plenty of times that passed by and I thought that your daddy and I would be a happy couple and with you a great and happy family. Unfortunately...I got fed up with all the stuff I was going through...and your daddy at one point thought that all I wanted was money from him. Which is kinda ironic since I was the one with the stable job @ the time.

We tried to be friends and when I met Darren your father wanted nothing to do with us. For 9 months we never heard from him. Text, call, email...nothing.  When he found out that grandmother was moving, he made an attempt to see you and we tried it again. And that was an epic fail.

Maybe it was my fault that things are the way they are....but somewhere I KNOW that I did everything I can to make it work between your daddy and I and unfortunately, too little too late. You are now 2 years old and you are such an energetic baby.

You love your cousin Bianca and you love going through my scrapbook stuff.  Your face lights up when you see the printer printing...you can unlock and iphone/ipod touch/ipad like a pro...when you smile you light up my world. when you cry it tears me apart...

Being a mommy didnt come with a handbook so I'm pretty sure more than once I made mistakes and I hope that one day you can understand.

I want you to know that you are everything to me and I love you baby girl. It will be probably a few years before you will read this...I cant tell the future but I do want you to know that nothing will ever happen to where I will never love you. I will never hate you. I will only and forever love you. You are my life.  First and foremost.
In a way I cant wait for you to get older...I can see it now...we will be the best of friends and when you dont get your way you're gonna hate me. How do I know that? Simple...cause I did that to  my parents.

But regardless of all that...just know that both mommy and daddy and everyone you have met love you very much.  No matter what may become between your daddy and is one thing you will never have to worry about and that is how much we LOVE you.   If we have nothing else in common...that will be the one and only thing that will never ever change.

Mommy loves you baby girl.



First family photo.....
1st birthday
Mommy & Daughter
Daddy and Daughter
Mommy & Daddy
I love u!
Deuces!!!
We love you baby girl :)