Christmas & New Year Recap :)

Dear Serenity,

Congratulations baby girl.  You are going to have a stepmother!
Seems as if Ricky proposed to Thelma, and I for one am very happy for them.
I hope that they have a lifetime of love and happiness and many many years of wedded bliss :)
Maybe now you'll get a younger brother or sister!

This Christmas started on Christmas Eve for you.  We went to visit Nanu on Saturday.  She's hoping that she can come back once a month and spend time with you.  I guess since Ricky is not here, you will be spending that time with Nanu.  You need to spend time with Ricky's side of the family too.  That way you can see how much you are loved. After that we stayed the night at auntie Mommy and Daddy Martin's house and Christmas morning, we opened presents.  You were so excited.  It was great seeing how enthusiastic you were about the presents.  And for the most part of the day you were very well behaved. 

I hope that Ricky is not upset with me for not responding to any of his messages...well he sent about 4. But still.  Mommy's phone was not charged since last night.  I didn't have my car charger so when it died, I was in no rush to getting it charged up either.  So for the first time ever, I went the majority of the day free of a cell phone.  Kinda makes me feel out of the loop but at the same time it was so free.  I was not constantly checking on facebook or texting...I was just spending time with the family.  It was a joyous holiday, and I would not change anything in the world...I even got to see my cousins and aunt and uncle from France.  They flew into town tonight and apparently all my aunts and uncles seem to think that I look like her.  When I saw her, I just saw glasses that would cause them to think that way...but who knows.

Christmas and New Years was fun and exciting.  You got a kitchen set, a vanity set, and a puzzle set.  I was very excited about the kitchen set!  I think I was more excited about than you were! But it's okay. You enjoy it and you get to play with it. I'm happy.

I just want you to know that I am doing my best to try and make everything okay for the both of us.
It's hard cause you and Daddy Moon are constantly fighting against each other.  Not only that but I am the one that happens to be the bad person.  Daddy Moon has his own way of disciplining you and I have my own way.  Those disciplining ways are totally opposites.  And now it's getting to the point where part of that is a burden on Daddy Moon and me.  Is it your fault? Absolutely not.  But there are times when I do wonder why you act the way you do when I am around.  When I am not around, everyone tells me you are an angel.  But when I am, you turn into this whiny, sass talking baby! (no pun intended).  Maybe if I was not in such a debt crisis I wouldn't be working the hours I am working. Maybe if Ricky helped and sent money to help with you it would be less stressful on me.  But the debt has been incurred and Ricky is not capable of helping yet. So what can I do? I'm at a loss for what to do and what not to do.  I have cut back on spending...and I have been frugal to the point that I am comfortable with.  Do I need to be come even more frugal and to the extreme?  On top of all the debt that I have I am helping Grandma and Grandpa with some of the house bills too.  So what can I do?  I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do.

There is one thing I want you to know.  No matter the reason of why Mommy is stressed out. It will never change the fact that I love you with all of my heart.  And I hope as you grow up you will start to understand that when you do something wrong or disrespectful and uncalled for, there are consequences.  Whether its sitting in the time out corner or even a good spanking.  If you are bad, you will be disciplined.  I know that I stick up for you often, but what everyone fails to realize is that when the time comes, I do discipline you.  It's a shame that just because I don't do it at the time they expect for me to do it...does not mean it's not done.

You are currently slumbering next to me.  Ricky was supposed to text me this evening so that you can skype.  That never happened cause I never got a text.  I'm sure we'll squeeze in some skype time with Ricky some time this week.  I know you miss you and he misses you.  Everything happens for a reason.

Forever and always loving you,

Mommy

Just Because He is Not Here, Does Not Mean He Does Not Love You

Dear Serenity,

This past weekend was your weekend with Ricky.  Unfortunately he is not here.  I don't know when he will be back but I hope that all goes well for him and his future endeavors.  He has left to make sure he is capable of taking care of you later on and I know that he will do all that he can to do what he needs to do to make it happen.  He is with Aunt Crystal now and will be there for awhile.  He came to see you before he left and spent a few hours with you. Told Mommy that I was doing a great job and gave me some tips in disciplining you so that you don't get too out of hand.  I love seeing you enjoy your time with Ricky.  He started to tear up and I know that this is not what anyone would have wanted, but I do feel that this was the best thing that could happen to Ricky. 

I just hope that he keeps in touch with us.  I will be documenting along the way what he is missing.  I hope that once he gets to where he is planning on settling.  That way we can send him care packages of all that you have been doing.

I do want you to know that whether it is Ricky or I that is not by your side, that does not mean that we do not love you any less.  If anything it means that we love you more.

For the past 3 years that you have entered our lives, I never realized how much someone so small could have such and impact on my life.  And for that I will always and forever be thankful to you.  You are my light.  You are the reason why I push and strive to do so much.  Just like many parents' wishes for their children, an easy life. As everyday passes you amaze me more and more.

You are steadily growing bigger and getting more and more beautiful.  There was a quote I found that I think describes how I feel for you. 

Source: enchantingquotes.com via Kay on Pinterest

And still to this day, you have never left. Ricky made Mommy cry today.  It was not intentional...more like bittersweet.  Something that I did not expect to happen did.  And maybe it's best that things turned out the way they did.  Ricky says he has a 2 year plan for us.  These next few years are going to be very difficult for Ricky more than it will be for us...
There are some things I want to let you know.Ricky is not here because he does not want to be.  He is taking the necessary steps so that as you grow older and may need him more, he will be able to be here.  Ricky and Thelma.  Daddy Moon and Mommy...there is one thing in common between the 4 of us.That common factor...is you.Like Ricky told me, all of us are a family and you are the glue that holds us together. One thing that I requested from Ricky was to allow me to meet the woman who will be sharing his heart with you...and I am very glad that he has Thelma.  And in return, Ricky has mentioned that knowing that we have Daddy Moon will make this journey easier on him because we have someone who loves and cares for us if not as much but more than Ricky. 
For as long as I have known Ricky and seen him in his stubborn ways...letting his pride overrule his actions...for the very first time today...He's shown me he has changed in that small way.Yes it's taken him this long...but as the saying goes, better late then never. He loves you and wants to make things better for you. And for me.
At the beginning I started to wonder what all this would mean for you.Taking Ricky to court...Thelma, Daddy Moon...How would my relationship with Ricky be when it involved you?After court, as the weeks went by, Ricky and I became more and more civil...and now he's no longer near by to work on a parent-friendship. Maybe its better that we work on this being away from one another...I guess as time goes by we will see how it will effect you.  Am I glad the situation is where it is now?I am glad that Ricky has realized that if it does not go well for him here and he has another opportunity elsewhere to not pass it up.But at the same time I hate that it will cause him to be away from you. Especially just when you were starting to get the idea of going with him every other weekend.  And now...we wait.
And honestly, I put all my faith in him and I trust him.All because of you.When I was pregnant with you, everyone hoped he would man up.And I can honestly say, he's starting to and I guess in a sense it is because of you.
So just remember, Just because he is not here, it does not mean he does not love you.It does not mean that he does not wish to be here with you.He will always love you.And wants to never be away from you.But because he has to do whatever it takes to make it easier on all of us,he's making this sacrifice now instead of later.
How crazy is it someone so tiny can make such an impact so big?One of life's little mystery I guess.  
Forever and always,Mommy