Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Things Don't Turn Out the Way We Want

There are things in life that we have to accept. For example, whenever I purchase a powerball ticket, I want to win. Lord knows its a slim chance that I will win. Or if I meet a cute guy, we hit it off, started dating...I want it to last forever. That was epic fail. Numerous times. Sure I'm going to cry and wallow away in my sadness cause the "so called love of my life" and I didn't work out, but that doesn't mean that its always gonna be like that.

I've learned that things dont always turn out the way that we want. So what do I do when that happens? Have faith that things will eventually look up for me. Exactly when? Who knows. But it won't stop me from living my life and being happy.

So I lost a love. He is now a great friend. I try to think of the good that is in my life. Great friends and amazing family who has been by my side. They tell me things and yell at me, but I know its all because they <3 me. I have a stable job that tests my patience, but its paying my bills and my peers are always on hand to keep me sane. Not only that but I have a gorgeous baby girl. I pray that every decision I make will be right by her. She will never remember anything and I will never forget. Although things with her dad didn't work out, it doesn't change how we feel towards her.

As for me, I'm not sure. I'm just working. Coming home to serenity. I try to scrapbook and do other crafts, but I have no motivation or inspiration to do it. Lately I've just been in my own little world. Taking it in one day at a time.
Or at least trying to. Not working all to well though. Unfortunately. But I will survive.

I know that one day all my dreams will come true. I just have to wait patiently.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Dear Serenity,

Welcome to 2011 Baby girl.
You and I.
You owe me a New Year's kiss! or is it that I owe you one!?!

So we rung in the New Year together with flair...so much flair we fell asleep @ 11:45 PM :(
But thats okay, I have a lifetime to get kisses from you.

We had dinner with Daddy December 30, 2010...You are looking more and more like Daddy everyday.
And unfortunately acting more and more like Mommy...I have yet to figure out if thats a good thing or a bad thing.
You love cameras and you love eating by yourself. You're actually pretty good at eating by yourself. Sometimes you make a mess, but that's what Mommy is here for right?

I love how I come home from work and you see me you run up to me and yell Mommy.
I love how you rummage through my purse trying to find candy.
I love how you helped me push the laundry basket into the room.
I love how you can roll your tongue.
I love how you roll over and snuggle up to me.
I wish you will never grow up and I know thats a wish that will never come true.

What will this year bring for us?
I have no clue :(
But whatever it may bring just know that no matter what I am always here.
Everyday that passes by I always wonder if what I am doing is what is best for the both of us.
I keep reminding myself that as of June 3, 2008 my life is not just mine anymore, but its ours.
And I will do everything in my power to do right by you.

The past year gave us many wonderful memories as well as painful ones...but I want you to know that regardless of the memories, they help us every step of the way. It teaches...wrong word, it forces us to realize that life does not always go the way you plan. You can't have everything you want, but as long as you have everything you need that's all that matters...and for me that is you.

I am determined to take the PRAXIS before you start school...and by the time you start going to school, I will be teaching. That has always been my dream. You will hear plenty of people tell you that teachers don't make that much money...that may be true compared to doctors and lawyers, but a lot of people fail to realize that in order to become a doctor or lawyer, you have to go through school. Who is mentoring along the way? A teacher.
That is one dream I will refuse to give up.

This is the first New Year's that it's just you and me baby girl.
No Daddy, no Gogo...Just you and me.

I have no plans on trying to make things work with your Daddy.
I hope that when you grow older you can see that I am happier when I am not with your Daddy.
At one point in time I was happy...and as our relationship grew...it seemed to grow apart.
It was just not meant to be. I deserve to be happy and so does your Daddy, unfortunately that happiness is not with each other. But one thing will never change. We both love you very much.
It doesnt matter how we feel for each other, we will always love you.

Mommy is in no rush to look for a new love.
I am patiently waiting and I hope that when that day comes and I meet him,
that he will love you as his own, if not more.
And if he can't, then he is not the right one for either of us.
You and I, we go together. And that will never change.

I am determined to be happy this year. Regardless of what happens.
And all of it, is because of you.
Mommy loves you =D
Now, stop kicking me when you sleep and we'll be even better :D