You Don't Need Him. He NEEDS You.

Dear Serenity,

Wanna see what grown ups talk about?!

04:53 PM	Ricky: How's thy doing ?
04:54 PM	Khe Nguyen : Good. I got her a leap pad and shes playing.
05:10 PM	Ricky: How's her school. I hear she don't like it.
05:11 PM	Khe Nguyen : Its good. Its up and down. Today she told me that she wanted to go
	ԀτȂback to school after i picked her up.
05:14 PM	Ricky: She isn't getting picked on or anything is she?
05:14 PM	Khe Nguyen:Theres only 8 students in the class. she enjoys it. She just doesnt
	like to b there without us.
05:22 PM	Any suggestions for what she should be for Halloween?
05:42 PM	Ricky: She said that?
05:43 PM	She's old enough to decide now. She can be whatever she wants.
05:44 PM	Khe Nguyen : She doesnt get the concept of halloween. No. Every child goes throu
	gh that. Its separation anxiety.
05:53 PM	Ricky: She has already grasped the concept. She likes playing dress up in jewelry and stuff. Same thing she just doesn't know what holidays are.
05:57 PM	I will be picking her up on the weekend she is scheduled to be here. (Mind you this is AFTER he said he no longer wanted to see you and that you were no daughter of his.)
05:58 PM	Khe Nguyen : We need to sit down and have a conversation before that happens.
05:59 PM	Ԁ̽ȁIts not fair to her that u come and pick her up and then drop her o
	Ԁ̽Ȃff because she said something u didnt like. She doesnt need that.
06:17 PM	This is the same thing that happened before when she was younger.
06:50 PM	Ricky: Oh I'm sorry, please retract that. I didn't mean to imply that I would be picking her up personally. But I will arrange for her to be picked up safely. And there is only one person I feel I need to speak with that person being Thy. This subject has nothing to do with you. It is between my daughter and I. Unless you need something for her I can find no reason to sit down and/or converse with you or anybody else. If you feel you have a need for dramatics be my guest, but I will not participate. And Furthermore if you decide that you don't want her to be here that is your decision you are her mother. Sad though it may be for me just know that it is her that will be affected the most. That is all I have to say take care and goodnight. (I find this kind of pathetic.  He wants to see you but he will not take out the time to come and get you and drop you off...but rather he will send someone else to do it.  I'm still debating about how I feel about this one...)
07:24 PM	Khe Nguyen : Noone is being dramatic. I am doing what is best for Serenity. Something that i've come to terms that you cant be depended on for her sake. How do i not know ur gonna do a repeat of 2 weeks ago to just bring her home because u get upset or whatever the reason is i dont know. Serenity is a bright child and as her parents we should be able to sit down to speak with each other in regards to her. Your actions is in regards to her and if you dont recognize that than i dont see why you are making it more difficult on yourself. Whats sad is the reason you have this relationship with your daughter is because of what you did and did not do. So it does affect her but it was all on you. She will be fine with or without you being a part of her life.

I'm guessing it's safe to say that Ricky dislikes the arrangement that has been set forth by the court in regards to seeing you.  And all I can say is that, he brought all this up on him.  We gave him plenty of times to get his act together and do right by you and still it's a lost cause.  Not only that but twice so far he has not been able to keep you a full 48 hours because "he doesn't like something that you had done or said to him."  I hope and pray Serenity, that the people you are around now...Mommy, Daddy Moon, Grandpa, Grandma, Daddy Martin, Uncle Timmy, Auntie Mommy, Di Dieu, Di Nhi, Zoe and all your cousins will let you see that just because Ricky might not be a big part of your life...that you have this "Daddy Issues" when you are older.  I have no doubt in my mind that Ricky loves you and cares for you because you are his daughter, but I also feel that he is on the opposite end of that as well because of what has happened in the past.  I have let go and moved on and happy as can be. Too bad I can't say the same for Ricky.  It's a shame though.  He wanted time to spend with you and was given the time to spend with you but because its not to his liking, this is how he acts. 

I'm not quite sure what emotional drama or stress Ricky is going through, and frankly, it's none of my business. But when it comes to you, it is my business and he doesn't seem to see that.  No one is being dramatic and if anyone is being dramatic it's him.  He said that you're "IT" like you're a thing because you told him you "hated" him...and now he acts as if it's all okay? What's worse?! He can't even come get you but has to send for you. Court order is that HE has to come get you...not someone else.  I would have figured that he would have wanted to spend as much time with you as he can, but I guess I was wrong.  I'm guessing it has to be on his terms.  Unfortunately, I'm not willing to agree to his terms because he has yet to show me he's capable of meeting those terms. All I see and know, is same old Ricky.

I'm sorry Serenity. I'm sorry that Ricky is like this towards you and that you are too young to understand the bigger picture in all this.  I'm sorry that there is nothing I can do to help Ricky grow up and realize that it's much more than what he thinks it is.  I hope that as you get older, you read these posts and know how much I care for you.  These are events that I know you won't remember, but I will never forget.

I can't tell the future of what may come between Ricky and you...but just know regardless of what Ricky decides and when that will ever happen....just know that I will forever and always love you.
Even though we have our mother/daughter differences...you will still be my baby girl. 

Forever and always,
Mommy

I Said it Before, I'll Say it Again

Dear Serenity,

I woke up last Saturday morning and my phone was ringing.  I answered it and you were on the phone.
You told me wanted to come home.
The night before I called to make sure you took your medicine, you also told me you wanted to come home.
Apparently, you telling that to Ricky is hurting his feelings.  Amazes me though.  Last I checked, your father is 2 months younger than I am and therefore makes him 23 years older than you...but yet he can't get the concept that at the age of 3 sometimes, you need to be told what to do or what is going to happen?! He told me that he does not want to be a "dictator." In my book, it's called parenting. I guess Ricky has yet to figure that out yet...after 3 years I would have hoped he would have figured something out. I was wrong. At least in that aspect.

I posted before that Thelma and I had a conversation in which Ricky has a habit of going back to his old ways when things does not go the way HE want and 2 weeks ago...history repeated itself.  Apparently you told Ricky and Thelma you hated them. Which oddly enough you tell me that when you are upset with me.  So what did Ricky do? He packed up ALL the stuff he had for you and drove you home.  Literally pulled up to the driveway, popped the trunk and unloaded your things. And wanna know what he said when he was done? "She's no daughter of mine. I'll pay for her, but I don't want to see her anymore."  Does it surprise me? No.

What did surprise me was the fact that he packed up ALL your stuff and drove you home. What was more surprising? He only had 3 shirts for you! You had more toys than clothes...Of course, I guess you being over there for a total of 5 days out of the month is not a need for much clothes. 

Like a big girl, you did not cry. You did ask for him though.  And Thelma too. But you did not cry.  I waited a bit before I contacted Ricky. To make sure that this is what he truly wanted in regards to no longer seeing you.  His response was "Want who? It's just another bill to me.  I'll give you the money for it Monday."  Of course after a few days went by he texted to ask how you were doing. Told me that he got a job out of state making $6/hour.  Which I find that hard to believe when minimum wage is $7.25/hour...but whatever.  Oddly enough, Ricky is under court order to advise either me or the lawyer if he gets a job, so when I asked him if he was going to give the information, he replied to come find him.  Why is it that he's also responsible for you but can't man up to help with you?  And he jokes around like this?  That clearly shows me that he truly does not care. Cause if he did, he would have done whatever he could to do right for you. It does baffles me though, he has no job and yet still manages to pay his bills.  From what I know no one is helping him but one person, Thelma. I'll let people draw whatever conclusion they feel they may need to draw in regards to that.

Now that I think back about it. Him packing up all your stuff...he told me that he spent $300 for that first weekend you were to spend with him. Out of that $300 he couldn't even buy you the correct carseat....what in the world did he buy you?! It was sure as heck not the toys he dropped off here when he brought you home. All those toys were stuffed animals you win at the crane game or stuff people gave him or something.

So many thoughts are going through my mind...and I have no idea what to do or even what to say.
I guess it is meant for another day....

Forever and always,
Mommy 

Everyone Deserves to Be Happy

Dear Serenity,

Today is your father's weekend.  He is to come and get you in a few hours.
You are currently slumbering away.
These past few days you have been sick and your fever has been coming and going.  Makes me wonder what is going on with you.   Other than that, I am so very proud of you for many thing.

First off, your teachers have nothing but great things to let me know about your progress in school. Ms. Courtney tells me that you are doing a great job with tracing the letters and I am so happy that you are catching on.  I've learned that you are a visual learner. That was through the computer game you played. You are able to see a letter, and pick it out.  I can't wait till you start writing.

Second, your curiosity.  I have to admit at times it gets kind of annoying, but I would not have it any other way.
You constantly ask me, "Mommy, what's that?" or "Mommy, what are you doing?" and now, you started calling me "Mom" which I find kind of odd but cute at the same time.

 Third, you have started "school" (daycare) and you are so not liking it. Every night you tell me that you do not want to go to school. You tell me that you want to go to your Daddy's instead. I think you fail to realize that even if you go to your Daddy's you'll still have to go to school...

Fourth, you have the cutest smile!!! See pictures for reference :)

2 weeks ago when Thelma came to pick you up AND drop you off, I came to realize something.  Although your father and I were not and will never be married, I'm afraid to say, he and I are sad statistics. That was really something I was hoping NOT to happen, but I guess that does not matter...
According to Thelma your Daddy's website is soon to be launched for his aspiring line...and so when he did not come to pick you up, it was because he was in a meeting.  Well...48 hours later for him to drop you off...Thelma dropped you off.  And from what she tells me, he is a GREAT father to you. Honestly, I have no doubt that he is a great father to you. What does amaze me is that supposedly he has turned his life around, but it was not because of you, it was because of Thelma.  And I am very happy for your father.  He deserves to be happy just like we are with Daddy Moon.  But in a sense, I can't help but feel disappointed that it was not you that helped him see the error in his ways.  According to Thelma, he does everything for you.  Which I have yet seen so therefore I'm sorry that my opinion in regards to your father is still the same as before.

I want you to know that getting involved with the courts was NOT my first option.  It was actually my last.  It all started when your father and I were clearly not going to work.  He had his own ways and I had mine. Too bad our ways did not combine to compromise...and you know what, I am absolutely fine with it.  I hate to see that your father and I are like this. I hope you know that I do not want you to see us like this.  I was hoping that your father had grown up and matured to where he and I could be civil with one another, but apparently that will not be happening. According to Thelma, your father hates me because he is not able to see you as often as he would like.  What do I have to say in regards to that? Simple, if he is so unhappy with it, take me back to court and fight for you.  I'm guessing he's told a lot of people that I kept you from him and would not allow you to see him in the past...that is a lie. Why? Simple, your aunts have restaurants and your father knew where they are located as well as where we live. If I truly wanted to keep you from him why would I have paid to get the court papers done? He loves you right? Than what is keeping him from wanting only the best for you? That's what the child support money is for.  He has money to work on his line, money for his apartment, his gas, his car, and so to me he's able to support himself and his girlfriend, but he does not have enough for you.  Well baby girl, I guess we know where his priorities are.

Thelma told me that the past is the past. And you know what she is right.  So that is why I went and got the money together so that the paperwork could be filed and done so that there was no issues in regards of when who gets you.  He could have fought for more time with you when we went to court, he didn't.  So why is he getting upset with me? I called you tonight cause I wanted to make sure you took your medicine and had dinner...you told me you wanted to come home to me.  I could hear your father in the background, "If you want to go home, I can take you home. I don't care."  What the hell is his problem? You're three years old...you are going to say things that neither one of us will like and I've gotten used to it.  So what, he sees you for 48 hours every other week...isn't that better than nothing?  There are plenty of times during the week when you want something and I don't give it to you that you tell me you want to go to your father's and not stay with me.  What do I tell you? You don't always get what you want.

I admire Thelma.  I really do. And I am very happy that your father has found someone who loves him and cares for him as much as he seems to love and care for her.  It's true that when your father and I were together, I did hope that he and I would be together because I did not wish for you to grow up with your parents at war with one another, but until your father can get over the fact that he has to make the best of the time with you as he can with what he has been given...I don't think your father and I are on the "friends" page...more like bitter acquaintances.  Thelma told me that there had to be something that attracted your father and I together that we made such a wonderful child...and she's right. But to me, that same thing that attracted your father and I was the same thing that tore us apart.  Regardless of that, I still wish your father the best on all that he does and that he's happy.  Everyone deserves a fairy tale ending. It's just that for some it takes longer to get to than others.

Missing you much and waiting for you to come back Sunday,

Forever and always,

Mommy