Today is your father's weekend. He is to come and get you in a few hours.
You are currently slumbering away.
These past few days you have been sick and your fever has been coming and going. Makes me wonder what is going on with you. Other than that, I am so very proud of you for many thing.
First off, your teachers have nothing but great things to let me know about your progress in school. Ms. Courtney tells me that you are doing a great job with tracing the letters and I am so happy that you are catching on. I've learned that you are a visual learner. That was through the computer game you played. You are able to see a letter, and pick it out. I can't wait till you start writing.
Second, your curiosity. I have to admit at times it gets kind of annoying, but I would not have it any other way.
You constantly ask me, "Mommy, what's that?" or "Mommy, what are you doing?" and now, you started calling me "Mom" which I find kind of odd but cute at the same time.
Third, you have started "school" (daycare) and you are so not liking it. Every night you tell me that you do not want to go to school. You tell me that you want to go to your Daddy's instead. I think you fail to realize that even if you go to your Daddy's you'll still have to go to school...
Fourth, you have the cutest smile!!! See pictures for reference :)
2 weeks ago when Thelma came to pick you up AND drop you off, I came to realize something. Although your father and I were not and will never be married, I'm afraid to say, he and I are sad statistics. That was really something I was hoping NOT to happen, but I guess that does not matter...
According to Thelma your Daddy's website is soon to be launched for his aspiring line...and so when he did not come to pick you up, it was because he was in a meeting. Well...48 hours later for him to drop you off...Thelma dropped you off. And from what she tells me, he is a GREAT father to you. Honestly, I have no doubt that he is a great father to you. What does amaze me is that supposedly he has turned his life around, but it was not because of you, it was because of Thelma. And I am very happy for your father. He deserves to be happy just like we are with Daddy Moon. But in a sense, I can't help but feel disappointed that it was not you that helped him see the error in his ways. According to Thelma, he does everything for you. Which I have yet seen so therefore I'm sorry that my opinion in regards to your father is still the same as before.
I want you to know that getting involved with the courts was NOT my first option. It was actually my last. It all started when your father and I were clearly not going to work. He had his own ways and I had mine. Too bad our ways did not combine to compromise...and you know what, I am absolutely fine with it. I hate to see that your father and I are like this. I hope you know that I do not want you to see us like this. I was hoping that your father had grown up and matured to where he and I could be civil with one another, but apparently that will not be happening. According to Thelma, your father hates me because he is not able to see you as often as he would like. What do I have to say in regards to that? Simple, if he is so unhappy with it, take me back to court and fight for you. I'm guessing he's told a lot of people that I kept you from him and would not allow you to see him in the past...that is a lie. Why? Simple, your aunts have restaurants and your father knew where they are located as well as where we live. If I truly wanted to keep you from him why would I have paid to get the court papers done? He loves you right? Than what is keeping him from wanting only the best for you? That's what the child support money is for. He has money to work on his line, money for his apartment, his gas, his car, and so to me he's able to support himself and his girlfriend, but he does not have enough for you. Well baby girl, I guess we know where his priorities are.
Thelma told me that the past is the past. And you know what she is right. So that is why I went and got the money together so that the paperwork could be filed and done so that there was no issues in regards of when who gets you. He could have fought for more time with you when we went to court, he didn't. So why is he getting upset with me? I called you tonight cause I wanted to make sure you took your medicine and had dinner...you told me you wanted to come home to me. I could hear your father in the background, "If you want to go home, I can take you home. I don't care." What the hell is his problem? You're three years old...you are going to say things that neither one of us will like and I've gotten used to it. So what, he sees you for 48 hours every other week...isn't that better than nothing? There are plenty of times during the week when you want something and I don't give it to you that you tell me you want to go to your father's and not stay with me. What do I tell you? You don't always get what you want.
I admire Thelma. I really do. And I am very happy that your father has found someone who loves him and cares for him as much as he seems to love and care for her. It's true that when your father and I were together, I did hope that he and I would be together because I did not wish for you to grow up with your parents at war with one another, but until your father can get over the fact that he has to make the best of the time with you as he can with what he has been given...I don't think your father and I are on the "friends" page...more like bitter acquaintances. Thelma told me that there had to be something that attracted your father and I together that we made such a wonderful child...and she's right. But to me, that same thing that attracted your father and I was the same thing that tore us apart. Regardless of that, I still wish your father the best on all that he does and that he's happy. Everyone deserves a fairy tale ending. It's just that for some it takes longer to get to than others.
Missing you much and waiting for you to come back Sunday,
Forever and always,
Mommy
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