Dear Serenity: June 2012

Dear Serenity,

Just like with any other post...where do I begin this post?
There will be times in our lives where we have to decide what we want to do and what we need to do. Unfortunately, we won't be able to decide which is which when those moments are presented. When you look to life for answers, life does not give us the answers we want...it responds with the answers we need.

So Ricky has been gone since December. He's pretty much got himself adjusted to living in New Zealand...and honestly I couldn't be happier for him. I just pray that history does not repeat itself while he's there. It's odd though, while out of the country he rarely contacted me to see how you were doing. Even when he was local he didn't ask much about you. You saw him during his weekends and that was pretty much it. Since he has been gone in December he has not been keeping up with the arrangements that were made in court with helping financially.
He came back on Tuesday, May 29. Daddy Moon and I picked him up from the airport and drove him to the hotel to check-in. During this time I received texts asking if it was possible you would be able to spend time with Ricky's family for the week. That was not happening. I let Ricky know how I felt about it and he was well aware that you would not be going to Houston for the week. As Daddy Moon and I left the hotel, I got a text from Ricky saying that once he leaves, he's done. Now, take it as you may like...but I read it only one way.
The next day his sister and his mom both text me and wanted to say all sorts of stuff...
His mother called me unthoughtful and selfish. His sister said that I am making it difficult for them to see you...And you know what baby girl...I am unthoughtful. I was so unthoughtful I waited 3 years before I decided to take Ricky to court. Not only that but since we've been to court hes only paid 4 1/2 months of child support. I could have filed for contempt of court that he is not paying his child support and guess what, he wouldn't even been able to leave the states until his obligation to you was due. But did I? Have I? No. I was so unthoughtful that when Ricky left, I brought you to see his mother while she was in town. I offered to bring you by the night before when she called, but she was sleeping. So that's my fault how??? Everything that has taken place so far everyone knew well in advance that they could have contacted me and made arrangements so that they could see you and so forth...but they wanted to wait till the last minute to make a decision and think that I was going to drop everything I had planned so that you were going to see them??? HELL NO. First off, if they wanted to see you they could have well in advanced contacted us and made arrangements. Secondly, if they want to see you, they can come over here and see you. Why should I allow you to go see them when they clearly only wanted to deal with you when Ricky was here??? And if proof is needed? Pull up the phone and text records. How many times did they contact me about you? Since Ricky was in town they wanted to throw out the "We are her family too" card? I don't think so. They can come see you. You are NOT going to see them.
Where were they when I was pregnant? They never called to ask how you were doing. They made up excuses for Ricky. Saying that it's possible for him to be there for you but don't have to be there for me. And in that I gave them the benefit of the doubt. He came to ONE doctor appointment, the one when we found out that I would be having a baby girl. And he was there in the delivery room. That was pretty much it for the duration of my pregnancy that he was there. And even after all that I STILL made an effort to make it work to where you would have both Mommy and Daddy in your life. Where were they when you was sick? Where were they when Ricky decided to choose his friends over you? They were the ones who cut me out of their lives as far as communication went. Facebook...there are plenty of photos of you on Mommy's Facebook. I never hid any of that from them. I'm also not gonna add them as a friend cause it's their decision if they want to see how you are. If they decide to add me I will accept it.
Where were they when Ricky threatened me because I did not want to agree with what he wanted? Or when he did not get things his way? Yes, forgive and forget, and frankly I've done my fair share of forgiving and forgetting where you are concerned. And even now...I am still trying. He had opportunities here. It's his own choice he did not try to make it work.  So he didn't even have to worry about paying for where he was staying. But yet he couldn't make it so that he could be closer to you? That was the main reason he stayed when your grandmother moved. There were supposedly jobs lined up for him that would have given him opportunities to be closer to you...but he chose a different route. And now I am the one to be made out to be the bad guy?
When Mommy started dating...Ricky wanted NOTHING to do with you. For 9 months he basically didn't give a rat's ass about you and how you were doing. At first he text/email and let me know that he was thinking about you, but after that he didn't contact me until I was single...he came back around for 2 months. He was a great...spent time with you, we all had a good time. he came back into your life.  Maybe it's my fault I let him come back into our lives because I did want you to have a relationship with him. And again, when I started dating, the same thing happened. He wanted nothing to do with you. But the more I think about it the more its like a slap in the face. I am sorry baby girl that Ricky is now across seas. Maybe it is my fault that he is overseas, but I tried EVERYTHING in my power to be fair. I don't know what else I can do or say...and even still now I am trying.
I picked you on Friday from the hotel. Initially you were supposed to be with him until your birthday...but Ricky wanted to see his friends and they did not have a carseat. So we decided that I would pick you up on Friday and drive you to see him Saturday. Daddy Moon texted him Saturday after we got off work and he texted back letting us know that he would see you tomorrow. So your birthday came and we woke up early that morning.  I texted him at 10 AM. He contacted me around 5 PM that day and let me know that he was someone's house. I let him know that we were currently in a midst of a small get together that Uncle Coty got together for you and that afterwards we would be at Auntie Mommy's house to eat for your birthday. I was not sure when we would be done. I asked Ricky if he would like to skype with you to see you and tell you happy birthday. He told me he was skyping with Thelma. And that he would try to see you later. He didn't see you in person or on skype for your birthday. Monday he was leaving for Houston. Now that alone is another blog...heck, the text messages are another blog...but Mommy had to work Monday. Daddy Moon offered to bring you to see Ricky before he left. He told us he would be leaving around 7 or 8 PM. Daddy Moon was done with work and contacted Ricky at 5 PM...he had already left for Houston. Ricky says that he will be back next year for your birthday. And I hope that he can keep up with the once a year visitations. Hopefully in the future it will change so that you can see him more. I already told Ricky, if he plans on coming once a year for your birthday than I would be more than happy to revisit our arrangement and have it so that the month or so he is in town every year he can spend time with you. Of course he knows my schedule and when you can be available for skype. I even told him to start blogging and that way he can leave you messages. It may not be the same, but at least it shows that he is trying to be a part of your life. Virtually is better than none.

Some people you meet in your life will be as happy as can be AS LONG AS YOU GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT. When you don't they will say the first thing in their head to hurt you. Just know that when people get upset and they feel cheated, what they say is not what they mean. It's just a thought that they speak out loud. Of course when words are spoken its hard to take back.

I tried my best to be fair with Ricky when it comes to you. And yet I seem to always be the one who gets the blame. I seem to be the one who does not let you spend time with Ricky...Which is odd...because I was the one who stayed with him at your grandmother's house. I was the one who drove you to his house...I was the one who left....I was the one who protected our rights as parents so that neither one of us could screw the other one over...I tried to compromise with Ricky when it came to you before I took it out to court...He could have fought for more...but he didn't. And because he didn't, I'm getting the "I'm the bitch who is keeping you away from your daddy's side" card....But I know the truth, and now so do you. I am not keeping you away. Just like I had choices and decisions to make, so did they.

In due time all will be revealed for you baby girl.
Loving you forever and always,
Mommy

Dear Serenity

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Saturday, June 16, 2012

All of a Sudden

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Happy 4th Birthday Serenity!!!!