Dear Serenity,
Congratulations baby girl. You are going to have a stepmother!
Seems as if Ricky proposed to Thelma, and I for one am very happy for them.
I hope that they have a lifetime of love and happiness and many many years of wedded bliss :)
Maybe now you'll get a younger brother or sister!
This Christmas started on Christmas Eve for you. We went to visit Nanu on Saturday. She's hoping that she can come back once a month and spend time with you. I guess since Ricky is not here, you will be spending that time with Nanu. You need to spend time with Ricky's side of the family too. That way you can see how much you are loved. After that we stayed the night at auntie Mommy and Daddy Martin's house and Christmas morning, we opened presents. You were so excited. It was great seeing how enthusiastic you were about the presents. And for the most part of the day you were very well behaved.
I hope that Ricky is not upset with me for not responding to any of his messages...well he sent about 4. But still. Mommy's phone was not charged since last night. I didn't have my car charger so when it died, I was in no rush to getting it charged up either. So for the first time ever, I went the majority of the day free of a cell phone. Kinda makes me feel out of the loop but at the same time it was so free. I was not constantly checking on facebook or texting...I was just spending time with the family. It was a joyous holiday, and I would not change anything in the world...I even got to see my cousins and aunt and uncle from France. They flew into town tonight and apparently all my aunts and uncles seem to think that I look like her. When I saw her, I just saw glasses that would cause them to think that way...but who knows.
Christmas and New Years was fun and exciting. You got a kitchen set, a vanity set, and a puzzle set. I was very excited about the kitchen set! I think I was more excited about than you were! But it's okay. You enjoy it and you get to play with it. I'm happy.
I just want you to know that I am doing my best to try and make everything okay for the both of us.
It's hard cause you and Daddy Moon are constantly fighting against each other. Not only that but I am the one that happens to be the bad person. Daddy Moon has his own way of disciplining you and I have my own way. Those disciplining ways are totally opposites. And now it's getting to the point where part of that is a burden on Daddy Moon and me. Is it your fault? Absolutely not. But there are times when I do wonder why you act the way you do when I am around. When I am not around, everyone tells me you are an angel. But when I am, you turn into this whiny, sass talking baby! (no pun intended). Maybe if I was not in such a debt crisis I wouldn't be working the hours I am working. Maybe if Ricky helped and sent money to help with you it would be less stressful on me. But the debt has been incurred and Ricky is not capable of helping yet. So what can I do? I'm at a loss for what to do and what not to do. I have cut back on spending...and I have been frugal to the point that I am comfortable with. Do I need to be come even more frugal and to the extreme? On top of all the debt that I have I am helping Grandma and Grandpa with some of the house bills too. So what can I do? I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do.
There is one thing I want you to know. No matter the reason of why Mommy is stressed out. It will never change the fact that I love you with all of my heart. And I hope as you grow up you will start to understand that when you do something wrong or disrespectful and uncalled for, there are consequences. Whether its sitting in the time out corner or even a good spanking. If you are bad, you will be disciplined. I know that I stick up for you often, but what everyone fails to realize is that when the time comes, I do discipline you. It's a shame that just because I don't do it at the time they expect for me to do it...does not mean it's not done.
You are currently slumbering next to me. Ricky was supposed to text me this evening so that you can skype. That never happened cause I never got a text. I'm sure we'll squeeze in some skype time with Ricky some time this week. I know you miss you and he misses you. Everything happens for a reason.
Forever and always loving you,
Mommy
Monday, December 26, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Just Because He is Not Here, Does Not Mean He Does Not Love You
Dear Serenity,
This past weekend was your weekend with Ricky. Unfortunately he is not here. I don't know when he will be back but I hope that all goes well for him and his future endeavors. He has left to make sure he is capable of taking care of you later on and I know that he will do all that he can to do what he needs to do to make it happen. He is with Aunt Crystal now and will be there for awhile. He came to see you before he left and spent a few hours with you. Told Mommy that I was doing a great job and gave me some tips in disciplining you so that you don't get too out of hand. I love seeing you enjoy your time with Ricky. He started to tear up and I know that this is not what anyone would have wanted, but I do feel that this was the best thing that could happen to Ricky.
I just hope that he keeps in touch with us. I will be documenting along the way what he is missing. I hope that once he gets to where he is planning on settling. That way we can send him care packages of all that you have been doing.
I do want you to know that whether it is Ricky or I that is not by your side, that does not mean that we do not love you any less. If anything it means that we love you more.
For the past 3 years that you have entered our lives, I never realized how much someone so small could have such and impact on my life. And for that I will always and forever be thankful to you. You are my light. You are the reason why I push and strive to do so much. Just like many parents' wishes for their children, an easy life. As everyday passes you amaze me more and more.
You are steadily growing bigger and getting more and more beautiful. There was a quote I found that I think describes how I feel for you.
And still to this day, you have never left.
There are some things I want to let you know.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
For the 1st Time Ever...
Dear Serenity,
For the first time EVER, you will be going with Ricky and Thelma to Texas to visit your grandmother and Aunt Crystal. They have not seen you for a few years, and Ricky asked me if he could take you to spend some time with his family. I hope that you do not forget about me while you are there.
Daddy Moon and I dropped you off last night at your father's apartment. It was heartbreaking to leave knowing that for the next 5 days I will not be able to see your smiling face. It is even more heartbreaking to know that you will be traveling and on the road for the first time with Ricky. I know that he will take great care of you, but I still cannot drop this feeling of my heart sinking. Ricky is Ricky. What can I say. Since you will be celebrating Thanksgiving with him (with extra days...) I get you for Christmas ^_^ Ricky and I will have to think of a time for you to spend with him for Christmas as well...that way he does not misses you too much.
I guess in a sense, Ricky and I are in a "civil relationship." Somewhere along the lines if it pertains to you we will talk about it. I'm thankful for that.
I hope that you enjoyed your car trip. I know that you can do it because we went to Houston before. Just a few months ago for your Aunt Emaly & Uncle Tommy's wedding. You were great!
So it's about 7 months away till your 4th birthday. I would like to throw a themed birthday party. I have some tricks up my sleeve so hopefully it will work out well for all of us.
Mommy misses you Serenity.
Hope you are having a great time with Ricky's side of the family.
I am anxiously waiting for you to come home!!!
Forever and always,
Mommy
Update @ 4:30 PM CST:
I have just called Ricky twice and texted him as well as your grandmother and your aunt.
Glad that you are all having your reunion but I know I made it very clear with Ricky that he was to answer or reply to the text when I contacted you. He could have responded to let me know that you guys made it there, and I have not gotten any responses yet. I had one simple request and that was to answer my call or reply to my text.
For the first time EVER, you will be going with Ricky and Thelma to Texas to visit your grandmother and Aunt Crystal. They have not seen you for a few years, and Ricky asked me if he could take you to spend some time with his family. I hope that you do not forget about me while you are there.
Daddy Moon and I dropped you off last night at your father's apartment. It was heartbreaking to leave knowing that for the next 5 days I will not be able to see your smiling face. It is even more heartbreaking to know that you will be traveling and on the road for the first time with Ricky. I know that he will take great care of you, but I still cannot drop this feeling of my heart sinking. Ricky is Ricky. What can I say. Since you will be celebrating Thanksgiving with him (with extra days...) I get you for Christmas ^_^ Ricky and I will have to think of a time for you to spend with him for Christmas as well...that way he does not misses you too much.
I guess in a sense, Ricky and I are in a "civil relationship." Somewhere along the lines if it pertains to you we will talk about it. I'm thankful for that.
I hope that you enjoyed your car trip. I know that you can do it because we went to Houston before. Just a few months ago for your Aunt Emaly & Uncle Tommy's wedding. You were great!
So it's about 7 months away till your 4th birthday. I would like to throw a themed birthday party. I have some tricks up my sleeve so hopefully it will work out well for all of us.
Mommy misses you Serenity.
Hope you are having a great time with Ricky's side of the family.
I am anxiously waiting for you to come home!!!
Forever and always,
Mommy
Update @ 4:30 PM CST:
I have just called Ricky twice and texted him as well as your grandmother and your aunt.
Glad that you are all having your reunion but I know I made it very clear with Ricky that he was to answer or reply to the text when I contacted you. He could have responded to let me know that you guys made it there, and I have not gotten any responses yet. I had one simple request and that was to answer my call or reply to my text.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
1st Month Memories
So Mommy was going through some files on the computer and I happen to find some videos of you when you were just born. I can't believe at one point you were THAT little! It's been 3 and half years and you are growing up more and more lovely by the day.
Halloween had just past and you were as cute as ever in your princess costume. Ricky came along with us to go trick-or-treating...which amazingly we had a good time. At least I did. You enjoyed it as well too. Ms. Carla and Mr. Johnny came over with Jayla and Zoe was there too. Ms. Anna came over with her son and her niece and nephew. All in all it was a good crowd we went with. Thelma came too.
These videos were from the first month. You were so tiny! But so adorable. I loved your sneeze. Those were some memories though. You had a bad case of jaundice and were in the hospital for 5 days. You were born on Tuesday, June 3, 2008 and we didn't get discharged fully until Saturday, June 8th, 2008. You were the greatest baby I could have asked for. Until the fourth week you were home. It was crying from 8pm - 5am and then you'd sleep. That happened for about a week. But now you just talk back. On occasions. Everyday...but its okay. Mommy will never stop loving you.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
You Don't Need Him. He NEEDS You.
Dear Serenity,
Wanna see what grown ups talk about?!
I'm guessing it's safe to say that Ricky dislikes the arrangement that has been set forth by the court in regards to seeing you. And all I can say is that, he brought all this up on him. We gave him plenty of times to get his act together and do right by you and still it's a lost cause. Not only that but twice so far he has not been able to keep you a full 48 hours because "he doesn't like something that you had done or said to him." I hope and pray Serenity, that the people you are around now...Mommy, Daddy Moon, Grandpa, Grandma, Daddy Martin, Uncle Timmy, Auntie Mommy, Di Dieu, Di Nhi, Zoe and all your cousins will let you see that just because Ricky might not be a big part of your life...that you have this "Daddy Issues" when you are older. I have no doubt in my mind that Ricky loves you and cares for you because you are his daughter, but I also feel that he is on the opposite end of that as well because of what has happened in the past. I have let go and moved on and happy as can be. Too bad I can't say the same for Ricky. It's a shame though. He wanted time to spend with you and was given the time to spend with you but because its not to his liking, this is how he acts.
I'm not quite sure what emotional drama or stress Ricky is going through, and frankly, it's none of my business. But when it comes to you, it is my business and he doesn't seem to see that. No one is being dramatic and if anyone is being dramatic it's him. He said that you're "IT" like you're a thing because you told him you "hated" him...and now he acts as if it's all okay? What's worse?! He can't even come get you but has to send for you. Court order is that HE has to come get you...not someone else. I would have figured that he would have wanted to spend as much time with you as he can, but I guess I was wrong. I'm guessing it has to be on his terms. Unfortunately, I'm not willing to agree to his terms because he has yet to show me he's capable of meeting those terms. All I see and know, is same old Ricky.
I'm sorry Serenity. I'm sorry that Ricky is like this towards you and that you are too young to understand the bigger picture in all this. I'm sorry that there is nothing I can do to help Ricky grow up and realize that it's much more than what he thinks it is. I hope that as you get older, you read these posts and know how much I care for you. These are events that I know you won't remember, but I will never forget.
I can't tell the future of what may come between Ricky and you...but just know regardless of what Ricky decides and when that will ever happen....just know that I will forever and always love you.
Even though we have our mother/daughter differences...you will still be my baby girl.
Forever and always,
Mommy
Wanna see what grown ups talk about?!
| 04:53 PM | Ricky: How's thy doing ? |
| 04:54 PM | Khe Nguyen : Good. I got her a leap pad and shes playing. |
| 05:10 PM | Ricky: How's her school. I hear she don't like it. |
| 05:11 PM | Khe Nguyen : Its good. Its up and down. Today she told me that she wanted to go |
| ԀτȂback to school after i picked her up. | |
| 05:14 PM | Ricky: She isn't getting picked on or anything is she? |
| 05:14 PM | Khe Nguyen:Theres only 8 students in the class. she enjoys it. She just doesnt |
| like to b there without us. | |
| 05:22 PM | Any suggestions for what she should be for Halloween? |
| 05:42 PM | Ricky: She said that? |
| 05:43 PM | She's old enough to decide now. She can be whatever she wants. |
| 05:44 PM | Khe Nguyen : She doesnt get the concept of halloween. No. Every child goes throu |
| gh that. Its separation anxiety. | |
| 05:53 PM | Ricky: She has already grasped the concept. She likes playing dress up in jewelry and stuff. Same thing she just doesn't know what holidays are. |
| 05:57 PM |
I will be picking her up on the weekend she is scheduled to be here. (Mind you this is AFTER he said he no longer wanted to see you and that you were no daughter of his.) |
| 05:58 PM | Khe Nguyen : We need to sit down and have a conversation before that happens. |
| 05:59 PM | Ԁ̽ȁIts not fair to her that u come and pick her up and then drop her o |
| Ԁ̽Ȃff because she said something u didnt like. She doesnt need that. | |
| 06:17 PM | This is the same thing that happened before when she was younger. |
| 06:50 PM | Ricky: Oh I'm sorry, please retract that. I didn't mean to imply that I would be picking her up personally. But I will arrange for her to be picked up safely. And there is only one person I feel I need to speak with that person being Thy. This subject has nothing to do with you. It is between my daughter and I. Unless you need something for her I can find no reason to sit down and/or converse with you or anybody else. If you feel you have a need for dramatics be my guest, but I will not participate. And Furthermore if you decide that you don't want her to be here that is your decision you are her mother. Sad though it may be for me just know that it is her that will be affected the most. That is all I have to say take care and goodnight. (I find this kind of pathetic. He wants to see you but he will not take out the time to come and get you and drop you off...but rather he will send someone else to do it. I'm still debating about how I feel about this one...) |
| 07:24 PM | Khe Nguyen : Noone is being dramatic. I am doing what is best for Serenity. Something that i've come to terms that you cant be depended on for her sake. How do i not know ur gonna do a repeat of 2 weeks ago to just bring her home because u get upset or whatever the reason is i dont know. Serenity is a bright child and as her parents we should be able to sit down to speak with each other in regards to her. Your actions is in regards to her and if you dont recognize that than i dont see why you are making it more difficult on yourself. Whats sad is the reason you have this relationship with your daughter is because of what you did and did not do. So it does affect her but it was all on you. She will be fine with or without you being a part of her life. |
I'm guessing it's safe to say that Ricky dislikes the arrangement that has been set forth by the court in regards to seeing you. And all I can say is that, he brought all this up on him. We gave him plenty of times to get his act together and do right by you and still it's a lost cause. Not only that but twice so far he has not been able to keep you a full 48 hours because "he doesn't like something that you had done or said to him." I hope and pray Serenity, that the people you are around now...Mommy, Daddy Moon, Grandpa, Grandma, Daddy Martin, Uncle Timmy, Auntie Mommy, Di Dieu, Di Nhi, Zoe and all your cousins will let you see that just because Ricky might not be a big part of your life...that you have this "Daddy Issues" when you are older. I have no doubt in my mind that Ricky loves you and cares for you because you are his daughter, but I also feel that he is on the opposite end of that as well because of what has happened in the past. I have let go and moved on and happy as can be. Too bad I can't say the same for Ricky. It's a shame though. He wanted time to spend with you and was given the time to spend with you but because its not to his liking, this is how he acts.
I'm not quite sure what emotional drama or stress Ricky is going through, and frankly, it's none of my business. But when it comes to you, it is my business and he doesn't seem to see that. No one is being dramatic and if anyone is being dramatic it's him. He said that you're "IT" like you're a thing because you told him you "hated" him...and now he acts as if it's all okay? What's worse?! He can't even come get you but has to send for you. Court order is that HE has to come get you...not someone else. I would have figured that he would have wanted to spend as much time with you as he can, but I guess I was wrong. I'm guessing it has to be on his terms. Unfortunately, I'm not willing to agree to his terms because he has yet to show me he's capable of meeting those terms. All I see and know, is same old Ricky.
I'm sorry Serenity. I'm sorry that Ricky is like this towards you and that you are too young to understand the bigger picture in all this. I'm sorry that there is nothing I can do to help Ricky grow up and realize that it's much more than what he thinks it is. I hope that as you get older, you read these posts and know how much I care for you. These are events that I know you won't remember, but I will never forget.
I can't tell the future of what may come between Ricky and you...but just know regardless of what Ricky decides and when that will ever happen....just know that I will forever and always love you.
Even though we have our mother/daughter differences...you will still be my baby girl.
Forever and always,
Mommy
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I Said it Before, I'll Say it Again
Dear Serenity,
I woke up last Saturday morning and my phone was ringing. I answered it and you were on the phone.
You told me wanted to come home.
The night before I called to make sure you took your medicine, you also told me you wanted to come home.
Apparently, you telling that to Ricky is hurting his feelings. Amazes me though. Last I checked, your father is 2 months younger than I am and therefore makes him 23 years older than you...but yet he can't get the concept that at the age of 3 sometimes, you need to be told what to do or what is going to happen?! He told me that he does not want to be a "dictator." In my book, it's called parenting. I guess Ricky has yet to figure that out yet...after 3 years I would have hoped he would have figured something out. I was wrong. At least in that aspect.
I posted before that Thelma and I had a conversation in which Ricky has a habit of going back to his old ways when things does not go the way HE want and 2 weeks ago...history repeated itself. Apparently you told Ricky and Thelma you hated them. Which oddly enough you tell me that when you are upset with me. So what did Ricky do? He packed up ALL the stuff he had for you and drove you home. Literally pulled up to the driveway, popped the trunk and unloaded your things. And wanna know what he said when he was done? "She's no daughter of mine. I'll pay for her, but I don't want to see her anymore." Does it surprise me? No.
What did surprise me was the fact that he packed up ALL your stuff and drove you home. What was more surprising? He only had 3 shirts for you! You had more toys than clothes...Of course, I guess you being over there for a total of 5 days out of the month is not a need for much clothes.
Like a big girl, you did not cry. You did ask for him though. And Thelma too. But you did not cry. I waited a bit before I contacted Ricky. To make sure that this is what he truly wanted in regards to no longer seeing you. His response was "Want who? It's just another bill to me. I'll give you the money for it Monday." Of course after a few days went by he texted to ask how you were doing. Told me that he got a job out of state making $6/hour. Which I find that hard to believe when minimum wage is $7.25/hour...but whatever. Oddly enough, Ricky is under court order to advise either me or the lawyer if he gets a job, so when I asked him if he was going to give the information, he replied to come find him. Why is it that he's also responsible for you but can't man up to help with you? And he jokes around like this? That clearly shows me that he truly does not care. Cause if he did, he would have done whatever he could to do right for you. It does baffles me though, he has no job and yet still manages to pay his bills. From what I know no one is helping him but one person, Thelma. I'll let people draw whatever conclusion they feel they may need to draw in regards to that.
Now that I think back about it. Him packing up all your stuff...he told me that he spent $300 for that first weekend you were to spend with him. Out of that $300 he couldn't even buy you the correct carseat....what in the world did he buy you?! It was sure as heck not the toys he dropped off here when he brought you home. All those toys were stuffed animals you win at the crane game or stuff people gave him or something.
So many thoughts are going through my mind...and I have no idea what to do or even what to say.
I guess it is meant for another day....
Forever and always,
Mommy
I woke up last Saturday morning and my phone was ringing. I answered it and you were on the phone.
You told me wanted to come home.
The night before I called to make sure you took your medicine, you also told me you wanted to come home.
Apparently, you telling that to Ricky is hurting his feelings. Amazes me though. Last I checked, your father is 2 months younger than I am and therefore makes him 23 years older than you...but yet he can't get the concept that at the age of 3 sometimes, you need to be told what to do or what is going to happen?! He told me that he does not want to be a "dictator." In my book, it's called parenting. I guess Ricky has yet to figure that out yet...after 3 years I would have hoped he would have figured something out. I was wrong. At least in that aspect.
I posted before that Thelma and I had a conversation in which Ricky has a habit of going back to his old ways when things does not go the way HE want and 2 weeks ago...history repeated itself. Apparently you told Ricky and Thelma you hated them. Which oddly enough you tell me that when you are upset with me. So what did Ricky do? He packed up ALL the stuff he had for you and drove you home. Literally pulled up to the driveway, popped the trunk and unloaded your things. And wanna know what he said when he was done? "She's no daughter of mine. I'll pay for her, but I don't want to see her anymore." Does it surprise me? No.
What did surprise me was the fact that he packed up ALL your stuff and drove you home. What was more surprising? He only had 3 shirts for you! You had more toys than clothes...Of course, I guess you being over there for a total of 5 days out of the month is not a need for much clothes.
Like a big girl, you did not cry. You did ask for him though. And Thelma too. But you did not cry. I waited a bit before I contacted Ricky. To make sure that this is what he truly wanted in regards to no longer seeing you. His response was "Want who? It's just another bill to me. I'll give you the money for it Monday." Of course after a few days went by he texted to ask how you were doing. Told me that he got a job out of state making $6/hour. Which I find that hard to believe when minimum wage is $7.25/hour...but whatever. Oddly enough, Ricky is under court order to advise either me or the lawyer if he gets a job, so when I asked him if he was going to give the information, he replied to come find him. Why is it that he's also responsible for you but can't man up to help with you? And he jokes around like this? That clearly shows me that he truly does not care. Cause if he did, he would have done whatever he could to do right for you. It does baffles me though, he has no job and yet still manages to pay his bills. From what I know no one is helping him but one person, Thelma. I'll let people draw whatever conclusion they feel they may need to draw in regards to that.
Now that I think back about it. Him packing up all your stuff...he told me that he spent $300 for that first weekend you were to spend with him. Out of that $300 he couldn't even buy you the correct carseat....what in the world did he buy you?! It was sure as heck not the toys he dropped off here when he brought you home. All those toys were stuffed animals you win at the crane game or stuff people gave him or something.
So many thoughts are going through my mind...and I have no idea what to do or even what to say.
I guess it is meant for another day....
Forever and always,
Mommy
Friday, September 16, 2011
Everyone Deserves to Be Happy
Dear Serenity,
Today is your father's weekend. He is to come and get you in a few hours.
You are currently slumbering away.
These past few days you have been sick and your fever has been coming and going. Makes me wonder what is going on with you. Other than that, I am so very proud of you for many thing.
First off, your teachers have nothing but great things to let me know about your progress in school. Ms. Courtney tells me that you are doing a great job with tracing the letters and I am so happy that you are catching on. I've learned that you are a visual learner. That was through the computer game you played. You are able to see a letter, and pick it out. I can't wait till you start writing.
Second, your curiosity. I have to admit at times it gets kind of annoying, but I would not have it any other way.
You constantly ask me, "Mommy, what's that?" or "Mommy, what are you doing?" and now, you started calling me "Mom" which I find kind of odd but cute at the same time.
Third, you have started "school" (daycare) and you are so not liking it. Every night you tell me that you do not want to go to school. You tell me that you want to go to your Daddy's instead. I think you fail to realize that even if you go to your Daddy's you'll still have to go to school...
Fourth, you have the cutest smile!!! See pictures for reference :)
2 weeks ago when Thelma came to pick you up AND drop you off, I came to realize something. Although your father and I were not and will never be married, I'm afraid to say, he and I are sad statistics. That was really something I was hoping NOT to happen, but I guess that does not matter...
According to Thelma your Daddy's website is soon to be launched for his aspiring line...and so when he did not come to pick you up, it was because he was in a meeting. Well...48 hours later for him to drop you off...Thelma dropped you off. And from what she tells me, he is a GREAT father to you. Honestly, I have no doubt that he is a great father to you. What does amaze me is that supposedly he has turned his life around, but it was not because of you, it was because of Thelma. And I am very happy for your father. He deserves to be happy just like we are with Daddy Moon. But in a sense, I can't help but feel disappointed that it was not you that helped him see the error in his ways. According to Thelma, he does everything for you. Which I have yet seen so therefore I'm sorry that my opinion in regards to your father is still the same as before.
I want you to know that getting involved with the courts was NOT my first option. It was actually my last. It all started when your father and I were clearly not going to work. He had his own ways and I had mine. Too bad our ways did not combine to compromise...and you know what, I am absolutely fine with it. I hate to see that your father and I are like this. I hope you know that I do not want you to see us like this. I was hoping that your father had grown up and matured to where he and I could be civil with one another, but apparently that will not be happening. According to Thelma, your father hates me because he is not able to see you as often as he would like. What do I have to say in regards to that? Simple, if he is so unhappy with it, take me back to court and fight for you. I'm guessing he's told a lot of people that I kept you from him and would not allow you to see him in the past...that is a lie. Why? Simple, your aunts have restaurants and your father knew where they are located as well as where we live. If I truly wanted to keep you from him why would I have paid to get the court papers done? He loves you right? Than what is keeping him from wanting only the best for you? That's what the child support money is for. He has money to work on his line, money for his apartment, his gas, his car, and so to me he's able to support himself and his girlfriend, but he does not have enough for you. Well baby girl, I guess we know where his priorities are.
Thelma told me that the past is the past. And you know what she is right. So that is why I went and got the money together so that the paperwork could be filed and done so that there was no issues in regards of when who gets you. He could have fought for more time with you when we went to court, he didn't. So why is he getting upset with me? I called you tonight cause I wanted to make sure you took your medicine and had dinner...you told me you wanted to come home to me. I could hear your father in the background, "If you want to go home, I can take you home. I don't care." What the hell is his problem? You're three years old...you are going to say things that neither one of us will like and I've gotten used to it. So what, he sees you for 48 hours every other week...isn't that better than nothing? There are plenty of times during the week when you want something and I don't give it to you that you tell me you want to go to your father's and not stay with me. What do I tell you? You don't always get what you want.
I admire Thelma. I really do. And I am very happy that your father has found someone who loves him and cares for him as much as he seems to love and care for her. It's true that when your father and I were together, I did hope that he and I would be together because I did not wish for you to grow up with your parents at war with one another, but until your father can get over the fact that he has to make the best of the time with you as he can with what he has been given...I don't think your father and I are on the "friends" page...more like bitter acquaintances. Thelma told me that there had to be something that attracted your father and I together that we made such a wonderful child...and she's right. But to me, that same thing that attracted your father and I was the same thing that tore us apart. Regardless of that, I still wish your father the best on all that he does and that he's happy. Everyone deserves a fairy tale ending. It's just that for some it takes longer to get to than others.
Missing you much and waiting for you to come back Sunday,
Forever and always,
Mommy
Today is your father's weekend. He is to come and get you in a few hours.
You are currently slumbering away.
These past few days you have been sick and your fever has been coming and going. Makes me wonder what is going on with you. Other than that, I am so very proud of you for many thing.
First off, your teachers have nothing but great things to let me know about your progress in school. Ms. Courtney tells me that you are doing a great job with tracing the letters and I am so happy that you are catching on. I've learned that you are a visual learner. That was through the computer game you played. You are able to see a letter, and pick it out. I can't wait till you start writing.
Second, your curiosity. I have to admit at times it gets kind of annoying, but I would not have it any other way.
You constantly ask me, "Mommy, what's that?" or "Mommy, what are you doing?" and now, you started calling me "Mom" which I find kind of odd but cute at the same time.
Third, you have started "school" (daycare) and you are so not liking it. Every night you tell me that you do not want to go to school. You tell me that you want to go to your Daddy's instead. I think you fail to realize that even if you go to your Daddy's you'll still have to go to school...
Fourth, you have the cutest smile!!! See pictures for reference :)
2 weeks ago when Thelma came to pick you up AND drop you off, I came to realize something. Although your father and I were not and will never be married, I'm afraid to say, he and I are sad statistics. That was really something I was hoping NOT to happen, but I guess that does not matter...
According to Thelma your Daddy's website is soon to be launched for his aspiring line...and so when he did not come to pick you up, it was because he was in a meeting. Well...48 hours later for him to drop you off...Thelma dropped you off. And from what she tells me, he is a GREAT father to you. Honestly, I have no doubt that he is a great father to you. What does amaze me is that supposedly he has turned his life around, but it was not because of you, it was because of Thelma. And I am very happy for your father. He deserves to be happy just like we are with Daddy Moon. But in a sense, I can't help but feel disappointed that it was not you that helped him see the error in his ways. According to Thelma, he does everything for you. Which I have yet seen so therefore I'm sorry that my opinion in regards to your father is still the same as before.
I want you to know that getting involved with the courts was NOT my first option. It was actually my last. It all started when your father and I were clearly not going to work. He had his own ways and I had mine. Too bad our ways did not combine to compromise...and you know what, I am absolutely fine with it. I hate to see that your father and I are like this. I hope you know that I do not want you to see us like this. I was hoping that your father had grown up and matured to where he and I could be civil with one another, but apparently that will not be happening. According to Thelma, your father hates me because he is not able to see you as often as he would like. What do I have to say in regards to that? Simple, if he is so unhappy with it, take me back to court and fight for you. I'm guessing he's told a lot of people that I kept you from him and would not allow you to see him in the past...that is a lie. Why? Simple, your aunts have restaurants and your father knew where they are located as well as where we live. If I truly wanted to keep you from him why would I have paid to get the court papers done? He loves you right? Than what is keeping him from wanting only the best for you? That's what the child support money is for. He has money to work on his line, money for his apartment, his gas, his car, and so to me he's able to support himself and his girlfriend, but he does not have enough for you. Well baby girl, I guess we know where his priorities are.
Thelma told me that the past is the past. And you know what she is right. So that is why I went and got the money together so that the paperwork could be filed and done so that there was no issues in regards of when who gets you. He could have fought for more time with you when we went to court, he didn't. So why is he getting upset with me? I called you tonight cause I wanted to make sure you took your medicine and had dinner...you told me you wanted to come home to me. I could hear your father in the background, "If you want to go home, I can take you home. I don't care." What the hell is his problem? You're three years old...you are going to say things that neither one of us will like and I've gotten used to it. So what, he sees you for 48 hours every other week...isn't that better than nothing? There are plenty of times during the week when you want something and I don't give it to you that you tell me you want to go to your father's and not stay with me. What do I tell you? You don't always get what you want.
I admire Thelma. I really do. And I am very happy that your father has found someone who loves him and cares for him as much as he seems to love and care for her. It's true that when your father and I were together, I did hope that he and I would be together because I did not wish for you to grow up with your parents at war with one another, but until your father can get over the fact that he has to make the best of the time with you as he can with what he has been given...I don't think your father and I are on the "friends" page...more like bitter acquaintances. Thelma told me that there had to be something that attracted your father and I together that we made such a wonderful child...and she's right. But to me, that same thing that attracted your father and I was the same thing that tore us apart. Regardless of that, I still wish your father the best on all that he does and that he's happy. Everyone deserves a fairy tale ending. It's just that for some it takes longer to get to than others.
Missing you much and waiting for you to come back Sunday,
Forever and always,
Mommy
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Separation Anxiety?!
Dear Serenity,
What can I say?
Labor Day weekend is coming up and since your father did not want to switch weekends with me, you will be with him that weekend and I will be home.
I was hoping that we could all go with the family to the beach but I guess maybe next year.
It's okay. Mommy has plans for us for the next holiday. We will be able to spend it together. Yay!
Of course, you will be with your father that weekend, but that's okay.
Same goes for Christmas.
BUT I will get you back on Christmas at 5:00 PM. And I am okay with it. I will just have to delay opening presents with you until you get back. Daddy Moon, you, and I can have a delayed Christmas present opening.
I love you my Princess!
You know, you do and say the darnest things.
You started school last week, and you did VERY WELL!
You cried a few times Mommy dropped you off, but it's okay. I see you 7 and 1/2 hours afterwards!
Your teachers Ms. Dee and Ms. Courtney has been telling me wonderful things about your time there.
This week, you've had an accident, but just having you in underwear is all so exciting!
I think it's cause of the fact you get so wrapped up in playing you forget.
This past weekend your father was late coming to pick you up AND he also dropped you off 4 hours early. When I asked him why he dropped you off so soon, he told me "she wanted to come home." When I asked him why he didn't keep you till 5:00 PM he told me that "a few hours would not have made a difference." That's odd. Considering the fact that he only sees you every other weekend, I figured he'd want to see you as much as possible. Once again, his actions are totally different from what he says. Makes me wonder that if you told him you wanted to jump off a bridge he would allow you to do so. I sometimes wonder about your father, but I guess that will be something I will never know. He tells me he got money for you and then just ignores me when I try to contact him to give him your bank information. Men. I will NEVER get it.
Lately, I think that both of us are experiencing a bit of separation anxiety. Dropping you off at school and when I pick you up I am off to work...The time that we do spend together are memories that I will cherish.
Some of the cute things you've said to me included:
"Mommy, who turn on the rain? It's raining outside. Your car wet." (this was on the way to school one morning)
"Mommy, look at me! I'm sexy!" (this happens everytime you are getting ready to take a bath)
"Mommy! I see the light (we were walking to the car and you saw the sunlight)
"Mommy! Hug! Mommy! Kiss!" (this happens when you and I part and I don't give you hugs and kisses)
"Mommy! I got homework!!!" When I sit you down to do homework..."Mommy, I don't want to do homework."
"I sleep." (this is your response when I asked you what did you do on your first day of school)
Every day I see you, and everyday I fall more and more in love with you. You are growing up so beautifully. Seems like yesterday that I could leave you on the bed and come back you'd still be there. But you're all grown up. Like a big girl. And enjoying life and everything that it can offer you. Take hold of it and never let go. No one will love you like I do.
Forever and always,
Mommy
What can I say?
Labor Day weekend is coming up and since your father did not want to switch weekends with me, you will be with him that weekend and I will be home.
I was hoping that we could all go with the family to the beach but I guess maybe next year.
It's okay. Mommy has plans for us for the next holiday. We will be able to spend it together. Yay!
Of course, you will be with your father that weekend, but that's okay.
Same goes for Christmas.
BUT I will get you back on Christmas at 5:00 PM. And I am okay with it. I will just have to delay opening presents with you until you get back. Daddy Moon, you, and I can have a delayed Christmas present opening.
I love you my Princess!
You know, you do and say the darnest things.
You started school last week, and you did VERY WELL!
You cried a few times Mommy dropped you off, but it's okay. I see you 7 and 1/2 hours afterwards!
Your teachers Ms. Dee and Ms. Courtney has been telling me wonderful things about your time there.
This week, you've had an accident, but just having you in underwear is all so exciting!
I think it's cause of the fact you get so wrapped up in playing you forget.
This past weekend your father was late coming to pick you up AND he also dropped you off 4 hours early. When I asked him why he dropped you off so soon, he told me "she wanted to come home." When I asked him why he didn't keep you till 5:00 PM he told me that "a few hours would not have made a difference." That's odd. Considering the fact that he only sees you every other weekend, I figured he'd want to see you as much as possible. Once again, his actions are totally different from what he says. Makes me wonder that if you told him you wanted to jump off a bridge he would allow you to do so. I sometimes wonder about your father, but I guess that will be something I will never know. He tells me he got money for you and then just ignores me when I try to contact him to give him your bank information. Men. I will NEVER get it.
Lately, I think that both of us are experiencing a bit of separation anxiety. Dropping you off at school and when I pick you up I am off to work...The time that we do spend together are memories that I will cherish.
Some of the cute things you've said to me included:
"Mommy, who turn on the rain? It's raining outside. Your car wet." (this was on the way to school one morning)
"Mommy, look at me! I'm sexy!" (this happens everytime you are getting ready to take a bath)
"Mommy! I see the light (we were walking to the car and you saw the sunlight)
"Mommy! Hug! Mommy! Kiss!" (this happens when you and I part and I don't give you hugs and kisses)
"Mommy! I got homework!!!" When I sit you down to do homework..."Mommy, I don't want to do homework."
"I sleep." (this is your response when I asked you what did you do on your first day of school)
Every day I see you, and everyday I fall more and more in love with you. You are growing up so beautifully. Seems like yesterday that I could leave you on the bed and come back you'd still be there. But you're all grown up. Like a big girl. And enjoying life and everything that it can offer you. Take hold of it and never let go. No one will love you like I do.
Forever and always,
Mommy
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Dear Serenity,
What can I say?!? You are the light of my life.
Nothing will ever change that. You are what makes me smile when I'm down.
And the fact that you are so curious and so aware of what is going on around. Some what scares me but makes me thankful at the same time.
You are growing up so beautifully. You are loved by many people. Family and friends all alike.
Actually there is someone at school that has a crush on you! He's a cutie too.
You are very much a people person and I don't believe that anyone who has ever met you hates you.
Even Mommy's ex-boyfriend met you and thinks you are adorable. He told me I did really well. I could have told him that.
You are now 3 years old. Is it easier now or before? There really isn't an answer for that. There are not manuals on parenting...So what am I doing? Taking it day by day.
You have gotten to the point where you no longer cry when I leave for work. Everytime that happened, it shattered my heart having to leave you...but now...you sleep by yourself. Sometimes you sleep in Grandpa's room, but you still sleep by yourself. You have your area that you go to and when you wake up in the morning, if I am still home you will come and climb into bed with me. You snuggle up to me and that is the sweetest gesture that I can think of.
Today was really funny. You came up to me. Grabbed my nose. Then said. "Mommy! I gotcha nose!" then you did the same thing with my eyes and again, "Mommy! I gotcha eyes!"
Your laughter is music to my ears.
Whenever Moon and I come home at the same time, if you see him first, I hear you asking, "Daddy Moon, where is my Mommy?" That brings a huge smile to my face.
You think of me when you don't see me. I hope that you realize I think of you whenever you are not near me. Sometimes I know that it seems like Mommy is preoccupied with other things, but NEVER EVER will I stop thinking of you. No matter what may be going on in my mind, the one thing that never ever leaves my mind, are the thoughts of you. And what you plan on doing next. Already at 3 your are very playful and your imagination is running wildly.
I am trying very hard not to let things going on with your Father bother me. He has informed me of very disturbing things. He is also not keeping up with his end of the child support. Does that surprise me, no. It seems as though he may not be exercising his rights to see you either. From my understanding, your Father is trying to get a clothing line launched. Wish him all the best of luck. However, it seems he is not able to juggle more than on task at once. If he truly is doing all he can, he should be able to keep up with the child support. That is money that I was looking towards to help pay for YOUR childcare and for your upcoming school supplies that you will need. Of course, you would have figured by now that I should not depend on your Father. I hope and pray that this is not the case when you are older. Many people would say that now is the time that you need both parents. Kinda seems like a waste when only one is giving all and the other one is not doing anything. But, that is just how I see it. I am not sure what happens when you are with him. All I can hope and pray is that he is properly taking care of you.
Apparently your Father seems to think that we only have one mutual friend. He fails to realize that I get my information in other ways. But that is on him I guess. The more that time passes by, the more I see how childish your Father can be. And time and time again, it does not surprise me. Some how, I guess I knew it would end up happening...just a matter of when. Did you know that when your Father told me that he would be leaving and going out of the country to start a new family...I wished him the best of luck. And a part of me hopes that all the mistakes he did with us, he does not do with his "new family." Sometimes I feel that some people, don't realize how well they have it. Like right now, you and I. We are very much lucky. We have Ramon and Zoe. A great addition to our family. I hope that Zoe will help you as you grow older and that you two learn to love each other as much as we love you and you love us.
I know that I have said this before, and I will say it again and over again...
No matter what will happen or what may come,
I will always love you.
Your Father will always love you.
You are forever loved by many.
Always yours,
Mommy
Nothing will ever change that. You are what makes me smile when I'm down.
And the fact that you are so curious and so aware of what is going on around. Some what scares me but makes me thankful at the same time.
You are growing up so beautifully. You are loved by many people. Family and friends all alike.
Actually there is someone at school that has a crush on you! He's a cutie too.
You are very much a people person and I don't believe that anyone who has ever met you hates you.
Even Mommy's ex-boyfriend met you and thinks you are adorable. He told me I did really well. I could have told him that.
You are now 3 years old. Is it easier now or before? There really isn't an answer for that. There are not manuals on parenting...So what am I doing? Taking it day by day.
You have gotten to the point where you no longer cry when I leave for work. Everytime that happened, it shattered my heart having to leave you...but now...you sleep by yourself. Sometimes you sleep in Grandpa's room, but you still sleep by yourself. You have your area that you go to and when you wake up in the morning, if I am still home you will come and climb into bed with me. You snuggle up to me and that is the sweetest gesture that I can think of.
Today was really funny. You came up to me. Grabbed my nose. Then said. "Mommy! I gotcha nose!" then you did the same thing with my eyes and again, "Mommy! I gotcha eyes!"
Your laughter is music to my ears.
Whenever Moon and I come home at the same time, if you see him first, I hear you asking, "Daddy Moon, where is my Mommy?" That brings a huge smile to my face.
You think of me when you don't see me. I hope that you realize I think of you whenever you are not near me. Sometimes I know that it seems like Mommy is preoccupied with other things, but NEVER EVER will I stop thinking of you. No matter what may be going on in my mind, the one thing that never ever leaves my mind, are the thoughts of you. And what you plan on doing next. Already at 3 your are very playful and your imagination is running wildly.
I am trying very hard not to let things going on with your Father bother me. He has informed me of very disturbing things. He is also not keeping up with his end of the child support. Does that surprise me, no. It seems as though he may not be exercising his rights to see you either. From my understanding, your Father is trying to get a clothing line launched. Wish him all the best of luck. However, it seems he is not able to juggle more than on task at once. If he truly is doing all he can, he should be able to keep up with the child support. That is money that I was looking towards to help pay for YOUR childcare and for your upcoming school supplies that you will need. Of course, you would have figured by now that I should not depend on your Father. I hope and pray that this is not the case when you are older. Many people would say that now is the time that you need both parents. Kinda seems like a waste when only one is giving all and the other one is not doing anything. But, that is just how I see it. I am not sure what happens when you are with him. All I can hope and pray is that he is properly taking care of you.
Apparently your Father seems to think that we only have one mutual friend. He fails to realize that I get my information in other ways. But that is on him I guess. The more that time passes by, the more I see how childish your Father can be. And time and time again, it does not surprise me. Some how, I guess I knew it would end up happening...just a matter of when. Did you know that when your Father told me that he would be leaving and going out of the country to start a new family...I wished him the best of luck. And a part of me hopes that all the mistakes he did with us, he does not do with his "new family." Sometimes I feel that some people, don't realize how well they have it. Like right now, you and I. We are very much lucky. We have Ramon and Zoe. A great addition to our family. I hope that Zoe will help you as you grow older and that you two learn to love each other as much as we love you and you love us.
I know that I have said this before, and I will say it again and over again...
No matter what will happen or what may come,
I will always love you.
Your Father will always love you.
You are forever loved by many.
Always yours,
Mommy
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
And Some Things Never Change
Dear Serenity,
Your father just called. He wants to have you every other week.
I can tell you right now, until the court orders for him to have you every other week, you will not be with him for a week at a time.
So our arrangement is that he can have you every other weekend.
Granted that if there is a weekend that I would like to have you and it's your weekend with him, I can keep you that weekend and he will get you the following 2 weekends to make up for loss time.
Today, since I turned him down with the whole every other week, he tells me that he already has plans with you for Memorial Day weekend. (Your own father doesn't even know holidays cause if he did, he'd realize that Memorial Day already passed, just like he cant get it straight that you have my last name and not his.) So I text him and informed him that I've already asked about that with my lawyer. And he calls me and he tells me
"I need to have her on my weekends or bad things will happen to you."
Then he hangs up the phone.
Really?! Now he's going to threaten me?! Because of a weekend? Or is it the fact that he has not been a part of your life the way he wants to be? As if I don't have enough going on in our lives, and your father decides he is going to threaten me.
Funny thing is, I have no problem with you being with him but I just find it kinda odd that he will be able to support you. Come July 15, he will be 3 months and $33.21 to be exact. And he can't even keep up with that. How does he plan on taking care of you when you are with him? Maybe its cause he feels that I won't go as far as to take this back to court and fight for all parental rights of you. Or he feels that I won't report the missed month of child support...what am I supposed to do? I've given him plenty of choices and now I am left pondering on what to do. How to go about doing it and when to do it?
Wanna know what is really the kicker? On Friday July 1, your father text me letting me know he has your child support money for the June. Here is our conversation:
How does he plan on taking care of you properly with just $20 bucks for groceries?
This past weekend he sent you back to me with the same pants you wore on Friday when he picked you up. Here's the kicker, he couldn't even wash the pants before putting you back in it.
One of his main concerns was having to see me and deal with me. So I decided I would open up a savings account so that he can directly deposit the money into the account for you. I even text him the directions to the bank so that he can deposit the money for you. Not only that but he can keep the deposit slips so that if any time later on I come back and say that he didn't pay, he would have the deposit slips to prove that he made the deposit. But even then, he can't seem to locate the bank and to make the deposit. Which is fine, as long as you get your money. Wait, he still owes you -__-
I'm trying to be the bigger person, and frankly I believe I have been. But he really likes to push buttons...
Loving you always,
Mommy
Your father just called. He wants to have you every other week.
I can tell you right now, until the court orders for him to have you every other week, you will not be with him for a week at a time.
So our arrangement is that he can have you every other weekend.
Granted that if there is a weekend that I would like to have you and it's your weekend with him, I can keep you that weekend and he will get you the following 2 weekends to make up for loss time.
Today, since I turned him down with the whole every other week, he tells me that he already has plans with you for Memorial Day weekend. (Your own father doesn't even know holidays cause if he did, he'd realize that Memorial Day already passed, just like he cant get it straight that you have my last name and not his.) So I text him and informed him that I've already asked about that with my lawyer. And he calls me and he tells me
"I need to have her on my weekends or bad things will happen to you."
Then he hangs up the phone.
Really?! Now he's going to threaten me?! Because of a weekend? Or is it the fact that he has not been a part of your life the way he wants to be? As if I don't have enough going on in our lives, and your father decides he is going to threaten me.
Funny thing is, I have no problem with you being with him but I just find it kinda odd that he will be able to support you. Come July 15, he will be 3 months and $33.21 to be exact. And he can't even keep up with that. How does he plan on taking care of you when you are with him? Maybe its cause he feels that I won't go as far as to take this back to court and fight for all parental rights of you. Or he feels that I won't report the missed month of child support...what am I supposed to do? I've given him plenty of choices and now I am left pondering on what to do. How to go about doing it and when to do it?
Wanna know what is really the kicker? On Friday July 1, your father text me letting me know he has your child support money for the June. Here is our conversation:
Friday, July 01, 2011
How does he plan on taking care of you properly with just $20 bucks for groceries?
This past weekend he sent you back to me with the same pants you wore on Friday when he picked you up. Here's the kicker, he couldn't even wash the pants before putting you back in it.
One of his main concerns was having to see me and deal with me. So I decided I would open up a savings account so that he can directly deposit the money into the account for you. I even text him the directions to the bank so that he can deposit the money for you. Not only that but he can keep the deposit slips so that if any time later on I come back and say that he didn't pay, he would have the deposit slips to prove that he made the deposit. But even then, he can't seem to locate the bank and to make the deposit. Which is fine, as long as you get your money. Wait, he still owes you -__-
I'm trying to be the bigger person, and frankly I believe I have been. But he really likes to push buttons...
Loving you always,
Mommy
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Father's Day
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Dear Serenity,
What can I say? Your Daddy is a character. Here is a picture that I happen to find.
There is NO WAY that anyone can look at you and see you with your Daddy, and say that you are not his.
I DARE him to tell me that you are not his now. That was one flaw that your Daddy never got over. Whenever we would get into an argument he would tell me that you were not his daughter. I never fought back on it cause he knew well enough that you are. So what would I tell him? Simple, if he feels that you are not his, then DON'T bother us anymore. Of course, he knows he's your Daddy. What can he say now? Nothing.
I wonder if I am the only one who sits and wonder...I hope that as time goes by that everything between your Daddy and I will get better. I don't think that is the case. Maybe I'm hoping for something short of a miracle. Is it maybe because only one of us is happy? If your Daddy is truly happy would he still be this bitter towards me? Who knows right? someone told me that even if he was happy, there can still be resentful towards me. Just know that this has nothing to do with you. It's just sad that you really can't depend on your father for anything. This is the time that you need him the most.
You are starting to learn the alphabet. Its kind of cut. We have a little ritual u and I. I would lay with you in bed and I would sing the abc while you fall asleep. Instead of finishing up the song singing, "now know my abcs, next time you sing with me" you and sing "now we've sung our abcs, its time to close our eyes and go to sleep." You've picked up on it and when I ask you to sing for me you are too cute for words. As you can see, the video is my proof of you singing. This is some good blackmail stuff wouldn't you say? Just know that I love you!!!
Dear Serenity,
What can I say? Your Daddy is a character. Here is a picture that I happen to find.
I DARE him to tell me that you are not his now. That was one flaw that your Daddy never got over. Whenever we would get into an argument he would tell me that you were not his daughter. I never fought back on it cause he knew well enough that you are. So what would I tell him? Simple, if he feels that you are not his, then DON'T bother us anymore. Of course, he knows he's your Daddy. What can he say now? Nothing.
I wonder if I am the only one who sits and wonder...I hope that as time goes by that everything between your Daddy and I will get better. I don't think that is the case. Maybe I'm hoping for something short of a miracle. Is it maybe because only one of us is happy? If your Daddy is truly happy would he still be this bitter towards me? Who knows right? someone told me that even if he was happy, there can still be resentful towards me. Just know that this has nothing to do with you. It's just sad that you really can't depend on your father for anything. This is the time that you need him the most.
You are starting to learn the alphabet. Its kind of cut. We have a little ritual u and I. I would lay with you in bed and I would sing the abc while you fall asleep. Instead of finishing up the song singing, "now know my abcs, next time you sing with me" you and sing "now we've sung our abcs, its time to close our eyes and go to sleep." You've picked up on it and when I ask you to sing for me you are too cute for words. As you can see, the video is my proof of you singing. This is some good blackmail stuff wouldn't you say? Just know that I love you!!!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Secret Life of American Teenager
Wednesday June 22, 2011
Dear Serenity,
Now going on it's 4th season, I am catching up on an ABC Family's original series, "The Secret Life of an American Teenager." Basically, teens in high school getting pregnant and making wrong decisions that is life changing...I hope that when you get older, this series is available for you to watch. Probably won't be, but thank goodness for DVD's. I'll make sure to have a copy of it on hand for you so that you can watch it when you get older.
One of the episodes tonight was actually really sad. I cried. But anyways! Let Mommy recap what happens.
Amy & Ricky = have sex, have John.
Amy & Ricky breaks up
Amy dates Ben
Ricky some what sorta dates Adrian
Somewhere along the line Amy & Ricky tries to get back together.
In response to them getting back together Adrian & Ben sleep together.
Adrian gets pregnant with Ben's child
Adrian & Ben gets married
And this is where I am currently at.
Adrian was 36 weeks along in the pregnancy. She woke up @ 4:30 AM one morning, and it seemed something was wrong, but she brushed it off. The next morning they went to the hospital...Adrian lost the baby. And this my baby girl, I lost it. I started crying.
Maybe it was the fact that I sat there and thought about what it was like to be pregnant with you inside of me. And to actually carry a baby that far into the pregnancy and lose you, that is a pain I don't think I can ever bear. I know of others who has lost...but I have never ever been through that. Not in that way, and in a sense, I don't know what I would do. Or even what I could say.
Just thinking, what if it was us?
How different would it be?
How different would it have been for your father?
How different would it have been for me?
How different would it have been for everyone?
Thank goodness, I will never know that feeling of what would have been...
And now, even if I could go back and re do it, I wouldn't change anything.
All the fights, arguments, tears and sorrow.
None of it.
All of that I endured made one thing clear to me.
No matter what your father did to me or to us,
It will not change how I feel about you. Not now, not ever.
Now, I am going to tell you this and you probably think I am lying.
But....when you grow older. We are going to probably argue.
But just know, I bicker because I care.
I yell because I love you.
I correct you because you are my life.
There will be plenty of times that we will not agree...but it will never ever change the fact that you are my daughter, and I am your mother.
And we can't forget the fact that I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
No matter what.
With you, I have experienced the best and worst times of my life.
The past three years have been something I will never ever change.
And for eternity to come, it's something I am very much looking forward to.
I've said it before I'm sure, and I will say it again...
I pray that I am doing everything right for you. I hope that you are aware of that.
You will know this when you become a mother, children don't come with instruction manual.
And I'm starting to think that even if you did, it wouldn't be much help.
Regardless of what may come and what has happened so far in our lives...
Remember one thing. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU,
Forever and always,
Mommy
Dear Serenity,
Now going on it's 4th season, I am catching up on an ABC Family's original series, "The Secret Life of an American Teenager." Basically, teens in high school getting pregnant and making wrong decisions that is life changing...I hope that when you get older, this series is available for you to watch. Probably won't be, but thank goodness for DVD's. I'll make sure to have a copy of it on hand for you so that you can watch it when you get older.
One of the episodes tonight was actually really sad. I cried. But anyways! Let Mommy recap what happens.
Amy & Ricky = have sex, have John.
Amy & Ricky breaks up
Amy dates Ben
Ricky some what sorta dates Adrian
Somewhere along the line Amy & Ricky tries to get back together.
In response to them getting back together Adrian & Ben sleep together.
Adrian gets pregnant with Ben's child
Adrian & Ben gets married
And this is where I am currently at.
Adrian was 36 weeks along in the pregnancy. She woke up @ 4:30 AM one morning, and it seemed something was wrong, but she brushed it off. The next morning they went to the hospital...Adrian lost the baby. And this my baby girl, I lost it. I started crying.
Maybe it was the fact that I sat there and thought about what it was like to be pregnant with you inside of me. And to actually carry a baby that far into the pregnancy and lose you, that is a pain I don't think I can ever bear. I know of others who has lost...but I have never ever been through that. Not in that way, and in a sense, I don't know what I would do. Or even what I could say.
Just thinking, what if it was us?
How different would it be?
How different would it have been for your father?
How different would it have been for me?
How different would it have been for everyone?
Thank goodness, I will never know that feeling of what would have been...
And now, even if I could go back and re do it, I wouldn't change anything.
All the fights, arguments, tears and sorrow.
None of it.
All of that I endured made one thing clear to me.
No matter what your father did to me or to us,
It will not change how I feel about you. Not now, not ever.
Now, I am going to tell you this and you probably think I am lying.
But....when you grow older. We are going to probably argue.
But just know, I bicker because I care.
I yell because I love you.
I correct you because you are my life.
There will be plenty of times that we will not agree...but it will never ever change the fact that you are my daughter, and I am your mother.
And we can't forget the fact that I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
No matter what.
With you, I have experienced the best and worst times of my life.
The past three years have been something I will never ever change.
And for eternity to come, it's something I am very much looking forward to.
I've said it before I'm sure, and I will say it again...
I pray that I am doing everything right for you. I hope that you are aware of that.
You will know this when you become a mother, children don't come with instruction manual.
And I'm starting to think that even if you did, it wouldn't be much help.
Regardless of what may come and what has happened so far in our lives...
Remember one thing. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU,
Forever and always,
Mommy
Saturday, June 18, 2011
He Should Do Better for You
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Dear Serenity,
It is now 3:40 AM and Mommy is having a horrible time trying to sleep.
You on the other hand, have been wonderfully sleeping in your own room. For most of the time. And as long as we make that effort, I'm fine.
For the past few weeks you've been coughing and in your sleep, sometimes you would spit up.
This also happened while you were with your father.
However, yesterday he texted me and asked me how you were doing. And then he proceeds to ask me if I am allowing you to throw up on yourself. Nice of your father, isn't it?
So I replied, letting him know that you have gotten better. You were still coughing every now and then, And since he owed you some more money I asked if he has it. He told me no. And told me to call the police. Actually, let me quote you directly what was he text to me...
No I don't have it yet. You can call the police if you like I don't mind.
I'm wondering if he realizes that if that happens, he won't see you. Last I heard, he had a job interview with De'Angelos. Don't know if he was hired or what, but I won't be surprised it he isn't.
I just don't understand what is going on in your father's head.
Does he want to be a part of your life and not do anything that involves financially take care of you?
He's not impaired in any way to the point where he can't work, your grandmother is helping out with living expenses, but yet he still can't get any money together for you?
I just wish I knew what is on his mind. Better yet, I wish he'd make up his mind.
He says that I moved on with no regards to his feelings. Hell, he treated us like shit with no regards to our feelings for the majority of the time we were together...Is it bad that I have no sympathy towards your father? He says he loves you, and as I'm pretty sure I've stated before, I have no doubt that he does...but how can you claim you love your child, and go for so long without wanting to know how your child is doing? That is one thing that I can never forgive your father for doing that to you. For 9 months he wanted nothing to do with you. So he came back for 2 months and everything some what went back to normal...and then the same thing. Seemed like he only wanted to be around when it was convenient for him and any child deserves better than that. I can assure you baby girl, no matter what may happen, NO ONE will ever make it to where I will not be able to see you. I will fight for it till my last breath. I would have figured that if your father loves you like he claims, he would want to do more for you. But I guess not.
I am sorry Baby girl. I hope that when you grow up, you realize that I have been doing my best when it comes to you. I wish that I could get you everything you want and more, but right now, times are very rough for me. Maybe it's cause I see what I have done for you and what he has NOT done for you and it makes me feel that he should do better. It's kinda funny though because when I initially told him that in order for him to see you without me, he would need to have it court ordered, he told me that he would rather go have a child with someone else and be a father to THAT child. When I see that happen, I'll believe it. He can't even be a proper father to his one child now, and he wanted to have another child? I will never understand that. But I guess that's not something for me to understand. Maybe one day I will get lucky and I will get it, but I think that will be impossible. It's a shame your father can't get your name right either. Your last name is Nguyen. Not Lovan. He needs to get that etched into his head somewhere.
This accident I got into has been kicking me in the behind, and all I can say is THANK GOD you were not in the car with that morning. Honestly, I don't know what I would have done if you were in the car with me. It's just bad that I have the tendency to think worst case scenarios :(
On the upside, we driving to Daddy Moon's house and you and I recited the WHOLE alphabet! I think I am going to start working with you a few hours every evening with letter recognition and numbers. We can start with letters first. Every week we can do one letter. Help Mommy get a head start on her teaching skills :)
Mommy loves you Serenity.
Hugs and kisses,
Forever and always,
Mommy
Dear Serenity,
It is now 3:40 AM and Mommy is having a horrible time trying to sleep.
You on the other hand, have been wonderfully sleeping in your own room. For most of the time. And as long as we make that effort, I'm fine.
For the past few weeks you've been coughing and in your sleep, sometimes you would spit up.
This also happened while you were with your father.
However, yesterday he texted me and asked me how you were doing. And then he proceeds to ask me if I am allowing you to throw up on yourself. Nice of your father, isn't it?
So I replied, letting him know that you have gotten better. You were still coughing every now and then, And since he owed you some more money I asked if he has it. He told me no. And told me to call the police. Actually, let me quote you directly what was he text to me...
No I don't have it yet. You can call the police if you like I don't mind.
I'm wondering if he realizes that if that happens, he won't see you. Last I heard, he had a job interview with De'Angelos. Don't know if he was hired or what, but I won't be surprised it he isn't.
I just don't understand what is going on in your father's head.
Does he want to be a part of your life and not do anything that involves financially take care of you?
He's not impaired in any way to the point where he can't work, your grandmother is helping out with living expenses, but yet he still can't get any money together for you?
I just wish I knew what is on his mind. Better yet, I wish he'd make up his mind.
He says that I moved on with no regards to his feelings. Hell, he treated us like shit with no regards to our feelings for the majority of the time we were together...Is it bad that I have no sympathy towards your father? He says he loves you, and as I'm pretty sure I've stated before, I have no doubt that he does...but how can you claim you love your child, and go for so long without wanting to know how your child is doing? That is one thing that I can never forgive your father for doing that to you. For 9 months he wanted nothing to do with you. So he came back for 2 months and everything some what went back to normal...and then the same thing. Seemed like he only wanted to be around when it was convenient for him and any child deserves better than that. I can assure you baby girl, no matter what may happen, NO ONE will ever make it to where I will not be able to see you. I will fight for it till my last breath. I would have figured that if your father loves you like he claims, he would want to do more for you. But I guess not.
I am sorry Baby girl. I hope that when you grow up, you realize that I have been doing my best when it comes to you. I wish that I could get you everything you want and more, but right now, times are very rough for me. Maybe it's cause I see what I have done for you and what he has NOT done for you and it makes me feel that he should do better. It's kinda funny though because when I initially told him that in order for him to see you without me, he would need to have it court ordered, he told me that he would rather go have a child with someone else and be a father to THAT child. When I see that happen, I'll believe it. He can't even be a proper father to his one child now, and he wanted to have another child? I will never understand that. But I guess that's not something for me to understand. Maybe one day I will get lucky and I will get it, but I think that will be impossible. It's a shame your father can't get your name right either. Your last name is Nguyen. Not Lovan. He needs to get that etched into his head somewhere.
This accident I got into has been kicking me in the behind, and all I can say is THANK GOD you were not in the car with that morning. Honestly, I don't know what I would have done if you were in the car with me. It's just bad that I have the tendency to think worst case scenarios :(
On the upside, we driving to Daddy Moon's house and you and I recited the WHOLE alphabet! I think I am going to start working with you a few hours every evening with letter recognition and numbers. We can start with letters first. Every week we can do one letter. Help Mommy get a head start on her teaching skills :)
Mommy loves you Serenity.
Hugs and kisses,
Forever and always,
Mommy
Friday, June 10, 2011
My Wish for You
Friday, June 10, 2011
My baby girl.
I pray that when you are older, your friends are true to you.
I hope that all goes well for you.
I hope that you do not trust as easily as mommy.
If you trust, then be careful with who you place your trust to.
Trust is very easily lost, and once that trust is gone, it is hard to get back.
I hope that you do not get mistreated.
However, no matter what may happen, there are times when you will encounter those who will be cruel to you.
No matter what, just know that I love you.
Do not let anyone bring you down.
And if by chance that may occur, just know that you deserve better.
Don't open your heart too easily.
BUT, in the words of your aunt Brenda, don't be closed off to all the possibilities.
As you grow older, you will realize that there are some sayings that will make you ponder as the time flies by.
And you will learn something new EVERYDAY.
Even to this day, that is true.
I learned something new recently.
People are not who you think they are. I've actually noticed that more than I want to, but it's just finally kicking in.
So I hope and pray that as you grow, your generation definition of friendship upholds it better cause it seems as though some of Mommy's so-called friends, aren't friends after all.
And it's one of those life lessons that you learn and move on. Why?
Because life goes on.
Friends come and go. And if you consider them your friend and they truly aren't, then oh well.
Let it be.
I can see now that you will have no problems with obtaining friends.
Somewhere I think that's the case for everyone...but its a matter of keeping them that shows a true friendship.
I am sure that I am not the only one that will tell you this and even though I do teach these "life lessons" to you, it is one of those things that I know I cannot always protect you from.
So when this "life lesson" comes around, be strong.
Let by gones be by gones, and know when to walk away.
If you consider them your friend, and they hurt you, you will know then you were never friends to begin with.
And if that shows to be the case, then if they are capable of doing it to you, then they are capable of doing it others.
Funny how life works.
One minutes you can be happy and the next you can be sad.
So, my wish for you is to live happily.
Whether you do it by yourself or with your friends, never let anyone bring you down to the point that you cannot find your happiness.
Thanks to you, I have always been able to find mine.
And for that I am forever grateful.
Hugs and kisses likes always,
Mommy
My baby girl.
I pray that when you are older, your friends are true to you.
I hope that all goes well for you.
I hope that you do not trust as easily as mommy.
If you trust, then be careful with who you place your trust to.
Trust is very easily lost, and once that trust is gone, it is hard to get back.
I hope that you do not get mistreated.
However, no matter what may happen, there are times when you will encounter those who will be cruel to you.
No matter what, just know that I love you.
Do not let anyone bring you down.
And if by chance that may occur, just know that you deserve better.
Don't open your heart too easily.
BUT, in the words of your aunt Brenda, don't be closed off to all the possibilities.
As you grow older, you will realize that there are some sayings that will make you ponder as the time flies by.
And you will learn something new EVERYDAY.
Even to this day, that is true.
I learned something new recently.
People are not who you think they are. I've actually noticed that more than I want to, but it's just finally kicking in.
So I hope and pray that as you grow, your generation definition of friendship upholds it better cause it seems as though some of Mommy's so-called friends, aren't friends after all.
And it's one of those life lessons that you learn and move on. Why?
Because life goes on.
Friends come and go. And if you consider them your friend and they truly aren't, then oh well.
Let it be.
I can see now that you will have no problems with obtaining friends.
Somewhere I think that's the case for everyone...but its a matter of keeping them that shows a true friendship.
I am sure that I am not the only one that will tell you this and even though I do teach these "life lessons" to you, it is one of those things that I know I cannot always protect you from.
So when this "life lesson" comes around, be strong.
Let by gones be by gones, and know when to walk away.
If you consider them your friend, and they hurt you, you will know then you were never friends to begin with.
And if that shows to be the case, then if they are capable of doing it to you, then they are capable of doing it others.
Funny how life works.
One minutes you can be happy and the next you can be sad.
So, my wish for you is to live happily.
Whether you do it by yourself or with your friends, never let anyone bring you down to the point that you cannot find your happiness.
Thanks to you, I have always been able to find mine.
And for that I am forever grateful.
Hugs and kisses likes always,
Mommy
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Happy Golden Birthday!!!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Serenity!
Happy birthday to you!
Your birthday has just began! And you have already left me :(
It's okay though. It's for a good cause. It's for Auntie Emaly's wedding in Houston.
Auntie Mommy, Grandma, Grandpa, Veronica, Bianca, and yourself...all on your way.
Your Daddy also wishes you a Happy Birthday.
He actually wished it yesterday.
After he texted to let me know he had some money for you.
I'm very surprised at what your Daddy is doing. He's actually making an effort.
Could he be doing much more? Of course. But I'm not going to push for a mile when he's only giving us an inch. Or however that saying goes...
For example, he's been keeping up his end of the court order to see you every other weekend from Friday to Sunday. Amazingly, he's been late picking you up since the order was set, but on the upside, he's brought you back on time so far. Not only that, but last weekend when you were with him, you were not in the best of moods.
Apparently you were sick. You ended up getting a fever, and your Daddy was steadily giving you Benedryl. (Of course, this is AFTER I texted him to let him know you would need some children's tylenol and motrin since you've been getting sick easily with the weather changing and all. I guess even know your Daddy still doesn't believe me) He wanted me to give him your insurance information so he can take you to the hospital. Oh, I've been down this road with you before. No need for the hospital. Heck, Moon stayed up till 3 AM one night to make sure you broke your fever! So, I told your Daddy, you are not to be taken to the hospital. You just needed the correct medicine.
This was at 2:00 AM. I had the medicine available, and so Moon and I drove to your Daddy's place.
When we got there, I entered your Daddy's apartment. To be honest, I'm surprised how little the place is. Of course, it's really quaint, but really small. After about 10 steps you would reach the end of the apartment. All your Daddy had was a couch and your playhouse in the living room...and in the bedroom a dresser, a cabinet of some sort, and 2 tvs. You were on the bed with only your diapers on. Your Daddy and Thelma had been trying to cool you down with some wet napkins and towels.
I showed your Daddy the correct dosage you would need, and right away you started to be yourself. You grabbed the crayons and your bag. You grabbed the flash cards. You colored with Mommy and Daddy. You were my princess running and laughing again.
To tell you the truth baby girl, I didn't know what to expect whenever I entered your Daddy's apartment. I must say, I am surprised to see how much you love him...and unfortunately, lucky for your Daddy, you are too young to realized what exactly happened and why it happened the way it did. Of course, the past is the past and learn to forgive. But I will never forget. Too bad though. What you won't remember, I won't forget.
Although I must say, if your Daddy messes this up now...it's all on him. I paid for the paperwork and the lawyer. All he has to do now is fork over some money for you and show up to get you and drop you off every other weekend. YAY! The first time you went with Daddy, you cried when you came home. However, the 2nd time you went and came home, you were okay. You asked about your Daddy both times, but it's expected I guess. I'm sure Daddy spoils you when you are with him while I scold you and do not let you get your way. Just remember, when you have your own kids, you will thank me later. I have a looonnngg way before that ever happens! Thank goodness!
I hope that both of our dreams and wishes come true. And I am so looking forward to many many more years with you. No matter how old you may get, just remember a few things:
-I am your mother
-I will love you like no other
-You will always be my little Princess
-You will not always get it your way. I am not Burger King.
-Your Daddy loves you very much
-All your aunts and uncles love you too
-So does your cousins!
-And if you were to have a sibling, they would love you too.
It's been an hour since you've left with them for Houston.
I will be hoping that tomorrow goes by quick so that I get to see your smiling face and hear you asking me to pick you up or that you want sprite...or ice cream...or all the above.
Hugs and Kisses forever and always,
Mommy
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Serenity!
Happy birthday to you!
Your birthday has just began! And you have already left me :(
It's okay though. It's for a good cause. It's for Auntie Emaly's wedding in Houston.
Auntie Mommy, Grandma, Grandpa, Veronica, Bianca, and yourself...all on your way.
Your Daddy also wishes you a Happy Birthday.
He actually wished it yesterday.
After he texted to let me know he had some money for you.
I'm very surprised at what your Daddy is doing. He's actually making an effort.
Could he be doing much more? Of course. But I'm not going to push for a mile when he's only giving us an inch. Or however that saying goes...
For example, he's been keeping up his end of the court order to see you every other weekend from Friday to Sunday. Amazingly, he's been late picking you up since the order was set, but on the upside, he's brought you back on time so far. Not only that, but last weekend when you were with him, you were not in the best of moods.
Apparently you were sick. You ended up getting a fever, and your Daddy was steadily giving you Benedryl. (Of course, this is AFTER I texted him to let him know you would need some children's tylenol and motrin since you've been getting sick easily with the weather changing and all. I guess even know your Daddy still doesn't believe me) He wanted me to give him your insurance information so he can take you to the hospital. Oh, I've been down this road with you before. No need for the hospital. Heck, Moon stayed up till 3 AM one night to make sure you broke your fever! So, I told your Daddy, you are not to be taken to the hospital. You just needed the correct medicine.
This was at 2:00 AM. I had the medicine available, and so Moon and I drove to your Daddy's place.
When we got there, I entered your Daddy's apartment. To be honest, I'm surprised how little the place is. Of course, it's really quaint, but really small. After about 10 steps you would reach the end of the apartment. All your Daddy had was a couch and your playhouse in the living room...and in the bedroom a dresser, a cabinet of some sort, and 2 tvs. You were on the bed with only your diapers on. Your Daddy and Thelma had been trying to cool you down with some wet napkins and towels.
I showed your Daddy the correct dosage you would need, and right away you started to be yourself. You grabbed the crayons and your bag. You grabbed the flash cards. You colored with Mommy and Daddy. You were my princess running and laughing again.
To tell you the truth baby girl, I didn't know what to expect whenever I entered your Daddy's apartment. I must say, I am surprised to see how much you love him...and unfortunately, lucky for your Daddy, you are too young to realized what exactly happened and why it happened the way it did. Of course, the past is the past and learn to forgive. But I will never forget. Too bad though. What you won't remember, I won't forget.
Although I must say, if your Daddy messes this up now...it's all on him. I paid for the paperwork and the lawyer. All he has to do now is fork over some money for you and show up to get you and drop you off every other weekend. YAY! The first time you went with Daddy, you cried when you came home. However, the 2nd time you went and came home, you were okay. You asked about your Daddy both times, but it's expected I guess. I'm sure Daddy spoils you when you are with him while I scold you and do not let you get your way. Just remember, when you have your own kids, you will thank me later. I have a looonnngg way before that ever happens! Thank goodness!
I hope that both of our dreams and wishes come true. And I am so looking forward to many many more years with you. No matter how old you may get, just remember a few things:
-I am your mother
-I will love you like no other
-You will always be my little Princess
-You will not always get it your way. I am not Burger King.
-Your Daddy loves you very much
-All your aunts and uncles love you too
-So does your cousins!
-And if you were to have a sibling, they would love you too.
It's been an hour since you've left with them for Houston.
I will be hoping that tomorrow goes by quick so that I get to see your smiling face and hear you asking me to pick you up or that you want sprite...or ice cream...or all the above.
Hugs and Kisses forever and always,
Mommy
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Chapter One Closed.
Tuesday May 24, 2011
Dear Serenity,
It's finally done. It's taken Mommy almost three years but I did it. I did it for you baby girl. Daddy now owes you $458.00 every month. The system calculates child support so weird. I don't think I will ever get it but hey, that's what the lawyers for :)
The lawyer called Daddy to the stand to verify some information. They had previously sent Daddy some interrogation papers and of course, your father didn't return it as requested. He wrote out his work history...and I couldn't help but notice how he listed that from August 2009 - April 2010 he listed he was unemployed. Okay, no biggie right? BUT the reason why he was unemployed?! At my request so that he can watch you...umm...Kim was watching you through that entire time. Then it dawned on me! That was the exact months that I was with Darren and your Daddy wanted NOTHING to do with us. Apparently your Daddy felt that I was being unreasonable and did not give him time to heal from a broken heart...I know I didn't cause Daddy to have a broken heart...he never really loved me. He loved you though...but not enough to try to see you since I had a new boyfriend. Ironic, isn't it?! Then he said he worked at Performance for six months?! That's another lie! Your Daddy does not have the greatest of memories. Wonder why that is...O_o Oh, I believe your aunt Crystal is coming to visit you. Supposedly she should be here this weekend, but who knows. Hope you enjoy your time with your Daddy this weekend. I hope that as time goes by, you are not so sad whenever you come home.
Thelma was with your Daddy again. Amazingly it seems as if he is truly happy and for that I am happy for the both of them. Everyone deserves to be happy. We've found our happiness with Ramon, haven't we baby girl?! And for that I will forever be grateful for Ramon.
Ramon and I will be starting the second chapter in my life. And I want you to know that just because I am with Ramon, it does not mean that I love you any less. Similar to your Daddy. Just because he's with Thelma does not mean that he loves you any less. We both love you in our own little ways and I hope that as you grow older you realize that.
Apparently Daddy is starting his own clothing line. I wish him the best of luck with his endeavor. Just like Mommy and yourself, he also deserves nothing but the best. No matter what may happen, no matter how many ugly text messages he may send me telling me he hates me...or he only wants to deal with me when it comes to you...I will still wish him nothing but the best. Why?! I don't know. I'm too kind? Maybe I have too big of a heart O_o? Well, regardless of whatever the reason may be...Best wishes for all around ^_^
I've said this before and I am going to say it forever...you look more and more like your Daddy every day. And yet you act more and more like me. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing yet...but whatever it comes out...it's great either way.
As you grow older, never let anyone ever tell you that neither Mommy or Daddy don't love you. Don't let them make you think that no one cares because you have plenty of people that care for you. We all care for you and we all love you.
Especially me.
Hugs and kisses baby girl,
Mommy
Dear Serenity,
It's finally done. It's taken Mommy almost three years but I did it. I did it for you baby girl. Daddy now owes you $458.00 every month. The system calculates child support so weird. I don't think I will ever get it but hey, that's what the lawyers for :)
The lawyer called Daddy to the stand to verify some information. They had previously sent Daddy some interrogation papers and of course, your father didn't return it as requested. He wrote out his work history...and I couldn't help but notice how he listed that from August 2009 - April 2010 he listed he was unemployed. Okay, no biggie right? BUT the reason why he was unemployed?! At my request so that he can watch you...umm...Kim was watching you through that entire time. Then it dawned on me! That was the exact months that I was with Darren and your Daddy wanted NOTHING to do with us. Apparently your Daddy felt that I was being unreasonable and did not give him time to heal from a broken heart...I know I didn't cause Daddy to have a broken heart...he never really loved me. He loved you though...but not enough to try to see you since I had a new boyfriend. Ironic, isn't it?! Then he said he worked at Performance for six months?! That's another lie! Your Daddy does not have the greatest of memories. Wonder why that is...O_o Oh, I believe your aunt Crystal is coming to visit you. Supposedly she should be here this weekend, but who knows. Hope you enjoy your time with your Daddy this weekend. I hope that as time goes by, you are not so sad whenever you come home.
Thelma was with your Daddy again. Amazingly it seems as if he is truly happy and for that I am happy for the both of them. Everyone deserves to be happy. We've found our happiness with Ramon, haven't we baby girl?! And for that I will forever be grateful for Ramon.
Ramon and I will be starting the second chapter in my life. And I want you to know that just because I am with Ramon, it does not mean that I love you any less. Similar to your Daddy. Just because he's with Thelma does not mean that he loves you any less. We both love you in our own little ways and I hope that as you grow older you realize that.
Apparently Daddy is starting his own clothing line. I wish him the best of luck with his endeavor. Just like Mommy and yourself, he also deserves nothing but the best. No matter what may happen, no matter how many ugly text messages he may send me telling me he hates me...or he only wants to deal with me when it comes to you...I will still wish him nothing but the best. Why?! I don't know. I'm too kind? Maybe I have too big of a heart O_o? Well, regardless of whatever the reason may be...Best wishes for all around ^_^
I've said this before and I am going to say it forever...you look more and more like your Daddy every day. And yet you act more and more like me. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing yet...but whatever it comes out...it's great either way.
As you grow older, never let anyone ever tell you that neither Mommy or Daddy don't love you. Don't let them make you think that no one cares because you have plenty of people that care for you. We all care for you and we all love you.
Especially me.
Hugs and kisses baby girl,
Mommy
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Your First Weekend with Daddy
Daddy picked you up on Friday and the incident happened.
I called Saturday and Daddy said that you were sleeping. I asked him to call me back whenever you woke up and surprisingly he did. Unfortunately, I was away from my phone when he called back :( Of course I returned the call and got to hear your voice. YAY! You seemed to be having so much fun with your Daddy. And a little piece of me fell apart because of it.
Sunday @ 5:00 PM, Daddy dropped you off at home. You had on a teal Australia shirt on with some plaid shorts to match and a pair of silver and pink Dora sandals that your Daddy had bought for you. When Thelma unbuckled you from the car seat and you just started whining. "Daddy, I wanna go with you." Seeing you cry like that just shattered my heart to little pieces. If it hurt me to see you crying for you Daddy, I know it hurt him a whole lot more. I do wish that Daddy took a more active role in your life. I also wished that he would do it on his own accord and that he did not wait for me to take the initiative to make it so that it will happen. Too bad...like Mommy said before, we can't always get what we want. I hope that one day in the future when Daddy has found the love his life, he and I can be friends again. Or maybe when he has found his happiness again with you that he and I can become friends. It is not fair to you to see Daddy and Mommy fighting. That is not what love is or is it even what love consists of. I am sorry that you have to see your Daddy and I interact this way. Just know that we love you, no matter what. Even if Daddy will hate me forever, he will always love you. I on the other hand will never hate your Daddy. I don't and never will. I can't say the same for the decisions he makes, but as a person he CAN be someone great. Maybe it doesn't help out that much since he & I are both rats. It's believed that rats are stubborn and hard-headed creatures. That would actually go for all three of us since you are a rat too! Oh! Maybe that's why you always like to yell back at me! Now I get it! :D
You cried for a good 15 minutes that day after Daddy dropped you off. I am praying that as time goes by and you see Daddy every other weekend that that is not the case.
Ever since Ramon has been working earlier, you don't get up like I need for you to get up.
Maybe I have not disciplined you well enough. Either that or you are one hard child to get up now...
Your day is very simple. Wake up, drop you off at Daddy Martin & Auntie Mommy's house...you see Bianca, Veronica, and Taylor...go to daycare...and then you come home. I need you up by 7 AM and we can't leave the house any later than 7:15 AM or Mommy will be late getting to work. Lately, when I try to wake you up, you tell me "No Mommy, I don't want to go!" You will then grab the blanket and pull it over your head and fall back asleep.
Can't keep doing that baby girl. You are starting to look more and more like your Daddy. Acting more and more like me. As of this point, I can't tell if that is a good thing...but I'm going to take it for what it's worth.
Loving you always and forever,
Mommy
I called Saturday and Daddy said that you were sleeping. I asked him to call me back whenever you woke up and surprisingly he did. Unfortunately, I was away from my phone when he called back :( Of course I returned the call and got to hear your voice. YAY! You seemed to be having so much fun with your Daddy. And a little piece of me fell apart because of it.
Sunday @ 5:00 PM, Daddy dropped you off at home. You had on a teal Australia shirt on with some plaid shorts to match and a pair of silver and pink Dora sandals that your Daddy had bought for you. When Thelma unbuckled you from the car seat and you just started whining. "Daddy, I wanna go with you." Seeing you cry like that just shattered my heart to little pieces. If it hurt me to see you crying for you Daddy, I know it hurt him a whole lot more. I do wish that Daddy took a more active role in your life. I also wished that he would do it on his own accord and that he did not wait for me to take the initiative to make it so that it will happen. Too bad...like Mommy said before, we can't always get what we want. I hope that one day in the future when Daddy has found the love his life, he and I can be friends again. Or maybe when he has found his happiness again with you that he and I can become friends. It is not fair to you to see Daddy and Mommy fighting. That is not what love is or is it even what love consists of. I am sorry that you have to see your Daddy and I interact this way. Just know that we love you, no matter what. Even if Daddy will hate me forever, he will always love you. I on the other hand will never hate your Daddy. I don't and never will. I can't say the same for the decisions he makes, but as a person he CAN be someone great. Maybe it doesn't help out that much since he & I are both rats. It's believed that rats are stubborn and hard-headed creatures. That would actually go for all three of us since you are a rat too! Oh! Maybe that's why you always like to yell back at me! Now I get it! :D
You cried for a good 15 minutes that day after Daddy dropped you off. I am praying that as time goes by and you see Daddy every other weekend that that is not the case.
Ever since Ramon has been working earlier, you don't get up like I need for you to get up.
Maybe I have not disciplined you well enough. Either that or you are one hard child to get up now...
Your day is very simple. Wake up, drop you off at Daddy Martin & Auntie Mommy's house...you see Bianca, Veronica, and Taylor...go to daycare...and then you come home. I need you up by 7 AM and we can't leave the house any later than 7:15 AM or Mommy will be late getting to work. Lately, when I try to wake you up, you tell me "No Mommy, I don't want to go!" You will then grab the blanket and pull it over your head and fall back asleep.
Can't keep doing that baby girl. You are starting to look more and more like your Daddy. Acting more and more like me. As of this point, I can't tell if that is a good thing...but I'm going to take it for what it's worth.
Loving you always and forever,
Mommy
Saturday, May 14, 2011
And Yet It Still Seems Unfinished...
So, I finally PAID for the court papers to be done.
Not your Daddy.
Odd right? He's going around saying I'm keeping you from him and not allowing him to see you...but yet I would go and spend the money to get it done so he CAN see you and so he CAN spend time with you. But then again, that's how your Daddy is.
I remember our conversations. There was one particular conversation where he told me that once I got the papers drawn up to send it to his lawyer.
Why is it, that he had his own lawyer, but yet didn't get the papers done?!
He said he misses you. Says he loves you. But yet he stalled when it came time to get the papers done. All in all it boiled down I'm guessing cause he did not have the money to get it done. Why? Cause Daddy doesn't have a job. Come to think of it...I don't think he has a job now. Hope your Daddy changes his mind really soon about the employment issue...
Anyhow...We finally get a court date. Your Daddy brings his girlfriend Thelma to court with him that day. I saw her...He didn't introduce us though. Wonder why...O_o
He didn't contest that he was your Daddy...so we came upon an agreement...he gets to see you every other weekend. And we will be revisiting the issue of child support later on this month.
Just to give you a quick background of our relationship with your Daddy...Mommy and Daddy had crossed this bridge before. There were plenty of times when I tried to make a compromise with your Daddy so that we could have a set schedule...but once again, since we could not come to an agreement. I spent MY money and got it to where the court will decide. And since I had to pay for it and not him...I am going to make sure that I get the child support money from him for you.
This is not the first arrangement your Daddy and I made. I am hoping however, that this is the one he sticks to and abides by, but we won't know how well this will last.
After our hearing, I called your Daddy to let him know that he will need to get stuff for you while you are in his care for the weekends. I am not sending you with anything like I did before. He couldn't remember what I was telling him over the phone, so after we hung up, I texted him what size you are currently wearing and what all he would need to pick up for you. I even offered to meet him at Walmart WITH you so that we can all shop for you to make sure that he would get the correct items. He declined. Apparently, Daddy is low on funds so he wouldn't be able to go shopping for you just yet. I also asked to meet Thelma. Since you will be spending time with her I wanted to meet her...but of course, your Daddy told me that I would not be able to meet her and that I would have to deal with it. He told me to "Stay out of my life take care of our daughter and leave me alone unless it's absolutely unavoideable." Unfortunately for the both of us, he gets you every other weekend...Sorry, no can do. He also text me, "Look I don't like you but we have a daughter I love so I will put up with you and that's that."
So fine...contact him only in regards to you. I left it at that.
I contacted him again a week later on Tuesday May 10. Just to ensure that he pick up the stuff so that he would be ready when he comes to pick you up on Friday.
Mommy: Do you have her stuff ready? Friday is just a few days away.
Daddy: Stop bothering me damn botch
Mommy: I'm making sure Serenity has what she needs when u get her for the weekend. How is that bother u? U say u don't have money so it makes me wonder how you gonna provide for her when she's with you.
Daddy: Stop bothering me go nag your punk ass bf if u want to nag someone aight bitch
Mommy: I need to know if I need to send stuff with her since her Daddy has no money.
Daddy: Send that car seat I bought. Or is your bitch ass dad still using it? How about sending the clothes I bought
Mommy: She doesnt fit those anymore and they were all winter clothes
Daddy: Well send my car seat and didn't I say don't talk to me? I know I did is you stupid or something?
Mommy: How bout u go buy another one. And if you don't have one don't come get her :) Have a great day
Daddy: I'll be gettin her either way. Stupid cunt
Mommy: Not without the car seat you aren't
Daddy: I got papers here that says I am with or without. Try and stop me bitch
Mommy: Gladly
Fast forward to Friday when he came to pick you up. He was 15 minutes late coming to get you. On top of that, he walked into the PoBoy shop and thought that he was going to walk out with you. Of course, I walked you to the car, and when we got to the car and he buckled you in...Your Daddy bought you the wrong car seat. He bought you a highback booster car seat that uses the car's seat belt. You are only 24 lbs...way too small for that car seat and so I told your Daddy that it's the wrong car seat. I unbuckled you and told your Daddy that he will need to get another car seat for you. He simply said, "You're not gonna let me have my child?" looks at Thelma and tells her to close the door and he drove off. He got to the end of the driveway, backed up and parked again...walked over to where we were and asked me again "You're not gonna let me have my child?" I let your father know that if he wanted to take you, he needs to get another car seat. His reply "I don't have the money." At this point, Thelma has come over as well and tries to talk to me and says that your Daddy has the court papers for him to take her today and that I should lend him my car seat and he'll have one for her next time. It amazes me how your Daddy would be so irresponsible and would want to put your life at risk with the incorrect car seat. I have been way to kind to your Daddy. And since he insisted that I was a bitch...I guess you can say I eventually became one yesterday. "You're not taking her until you get the right car seat. There's a Walmart & a Babies R Us down the street. You can get it and come back and you can take her." His response again, "I don't have the money for it." Mine, "Exchange the one you got and get the right one. You spent $300 on stuff for our daughter, but you can't spend to get the correct car seat?"This is putting YOUR life at risk.
Your Daddy is livid at this point. He's was very upset with me, and frankly, I could care less. He was so upset that he didn't even continue to talk to me. Thelma did all the talking for him. He didn't ask to use my car seat, she did. She asked me "Is it so hard to lend him your car seat? He hasn't seen her and it's been a year since he's had her." This is where I GOT aggravated. It's really been that long? So what exactly was Daddy doing to try to see you? Did he work to get the money together for the court papers? Apparently not since I got the papers done. So how is it that he loves you and cares for you so much that he did NOTHING to try to get the papers to see you? I can assure you baby girl, he DID NOT have to wait for me to get the papers filed.
Thelma tried to reason with me again to persuade me to lend him my car seat...and I explained to her the text conversation that transpired between your Daddy and I before. I OFFERED to go shopping WITH you so he can get the items AND again I OFFERED to see what he needed. Unfortunately, the only mode your Daddy knows how to deal with me is dick mode. And I let Thelma know that Ricky had an opportunity to get it right. And he refused it. And it's no longer my responsibility to get him grow some balls and man up to be a Daddy to you. If by now he can't do it, I don't know what to say.
Sure enough, he left. The look in your eyes when he left broke my heart. I know that you love your Daddy and that he and I both love you. And I promise you Serenity, THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED OUR FAMILY TO END UP....but unfortunately for us, that's the case. You asked me "Mommy, where my Daddy? I wanna go with Daddy." I assured you that he will come back and he did half an hour later with the correct car seat. This time Thelma came to get you from me and again I walked to the car. Made sure you were buckled in properly, kissed you good-bye and told you to behave for Daddy.
And off you left.
I know that you will be back to me on Sunday, but this is so hard for me. For 3 years it seemed as if I have been the fighting for you to have your Daddy in your life. He didn't even seem to care, and now the court papers are filed and just as easy as pie he gets to have you every other weekend. If he cared and loved you so much, why didn't he fight for you sooner?! I was able to get the money to make it happen...why couldn't he? There are so many thoughts going through my head, I don't even know what to say or do. I hope and pray that everything works out okay for your sake.
Waiting for you to come home to me on Sunday...
Forever & Always,
Mommy
Not your Daddy.
Odd right? He's going around saying I'm keeping you from him and not allowing him to see you...but yet I would go and spend the money to get it done so he CAN see you and so he CAN spend time with you. But then again, that's how your Daddy is.
I remember our conversations. There was one particular conversation where he told me that once I got the papers drawn up to send it to his lawyer.
Why is it, that he had his own lawyer, but yet didn't get the papers done?!
He said he misses you. Says he loves you. But yet he stalled when it came time to get the papers done. All in all it boiled down I'm guessing cause he did not have the money to get it done. Why? Cause Daddy doesn't have a job. Come to think of it...I don't think he has a job now. Hope your Daddy changes his mind really soon about the employment issue...
Anyhow...We finally get a court date. Your Daddy brings his girlfriend Thelma to court with him that day. I saw her...He didn't introduce us though. Wonder why...O_o
He didn't contest that he was your Daddy...so we came upon an agreement...he gets to see you every other weekend. And we will be revisiting the issue of child support later on this month.
Just to give you a quick background of our relationship with your Daddy...Mommy and Daddy had crossed this bridge before. There were plenty of times when I tried to make a compromise with your Daddy so that we could have a set schedule...but once again, since we could not come to an agreement. I spent MY money and got it to where the court will decide. And since I had to pay for it and not him...I am going to make sure that I get the child support money from him for you.
This is not the first arrangement your Daddy and I made. I am hoping however, that this is the one he sticks to and abides by, but we won't know how well this will last.
After our hearing, I called your Daddy to let him know that he will need to get stuff for you while you are in his care for the weekends. I am not sending you with anything like I did before. He couldn't remember what I was telling him over the phone, so after we hung up, I texted him what size you are currently wearing and what all he would need to pick up for you. I even offered to meet him at Walmart WITH you so that we can all shop for you to make sure that he would get the correct items. He declined. Apparently, Daddy is low on funds so he wouldn't be able to go shopping for you just yet. I also asked to meet Thelma. Since you will be spending time with her I wanted to meet her...but of course, your Daddy told me that I would not be able to meet her and that I would have to deal with it. He told me to "Stay out of my life take care of our daughter and leave me alone unless it's absolutely unavoideable." Unfortunately for the both of us, he gets you every other weekend...Sorry, no can do. He also text me, "Look I don't like you but we have a daughter I love so I will put up with you and that's that."
So fine...contact him only in regards to you. I left it at that.
I contacted him again a week later on Tuesday May 10. Just to ensure that he pick up the stuff so that he would be ready when he comes to pick you up on Friday.
Mommy: Do you have her stuff ready? Friday is just a few days away.
Daddy: Stop bothering me damn botch
Mommy: I'm making sure Serenity has what she needs when u get her for the weekend. How is that bother u? U say u don't have money so it makes me wonder how you gonna provide for her when she's with you.
Daddy: Stop bothering me go nag your punk ass bf if u want to nag someone aight bitch
Mommy: I need to know if I need to send stuff with her since her Daddy has no money.
Daddy: Send that car seat I bought. Or is your bitch ass dad still using it? How about sending the clothes I bought
Mommy: She doesnt fit those anymore and they were all winter clothes
Daddy: Well send my car seat and didn't I say don't talk to me? I know I did is you stupid or something?
Mommy: How bout u go buy another one. And if you don't have one don't come get her :) Have a great day
Daddy: I'll be gettin her either way. Stupid cunt
Mommy: Not without the car seat you aren't
Daddy: I got papers here that says I am with or without. Try and stop me bitch
Mommy: Gladly
Fast forward to Friday when he came to pick you up. He was 15 minutes late coming to get you. On top of that, he walked into the PoBoy shop and thought that he was going to walk out with you. Of course, I walked you to the car, and when we got to the car and he buckled you in...Your Daddy bought you the wrong car seat. He bought you a highback booster car seat that uses the car's seat belt. You are only 24 lbs...way too small for that car seat and so I told your Daddy that it's the wrong car seat. I unbuckled you and told your Daddy that he will need to get another car seat for you. He simply said, "You're not gonna let me have my child?" looks at Thelma and tells her to close the door and he drove off. He got to the end of the driveway, backed up and parked again...walked over to where we were and asked me again "You're not gonna let me have my child?" I let your father know that if he wanted to take you, he needs to get another car seat. His reply "I don't have the money." At this point, Thelma has come over as well and tries to talk to me and says that your Daddy has the court papers for him to take her today and that I should lend him my car seat and he'll have one for her next time. It amazes me how your Daddy would be so irresponsible and would want to put your life at risk with the incorrect car seat. I have been way to kind to your Daddy. And since he insisted that I was a bitch...I guess you can say I eventually became one yesterday. "You're not taking her until you get the right car seat. There's a Walmart & a Babies R Us down the street. You can get it and come back and you can take her." His response again, "I don't have the money for it." Mine, "Exchange the one you got and get the right one. You spent $300 on stuff for our daughter, but you can't spend to get the correct car seat?"This is putting YOUR life at risk.
Your Daddy is livid at this point. He's was very upset with me, and frankly, I could care less. He was so upset that he didn't even continue to talk to me. Thelma did all the talking for him. He didn't ask to use my car seat, she did. She asked me "Is it so hard to lend him your car seat? He hasn't seen her and it's been a year since he's had her." This is where I GOT aggravated. It's really been that long? So what exactly was Daddy doing to try to see you? Did he work to get the money together for the court papers? Apparently not since I got the papers done. So how is it that he loves you and cares for you so much that he did NOTHING to try to get the papers to see you? I can assure you baby girl, he DID NOT have to wait for me to get the papers filed.
Thelma tried to reason with me again to persuade me to lend him my car seat...and I explained to her the text conversation that transpired between your Daddy and I before. I OFFERED to go shopping WITH you so he can get the items AND again I OFFERED to see what he needed. Unfortunately, the only mode your Daddy knows how to deal with me is dick mode. And I let Thelma know that Ricky had an opportunity to get it right. And he refused it. And it's no longer my responsibility to get him grow some balls and man up to be a Daddy to you. If by now he can't do it, I don't know what to say.
Sure enough, he left. The look in your eyes when he left broke my heart. I know that you love your Daddy and that he and I both love you. And I promise you Serenity, THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED OUR FAMILY TO END UP....but unfortunately for us, that's the case. You asked me "Mommy, where my Daddy? I wanna go with Daddy." I assured you that he will come back and he did half an hour later with the correct car seat. This time Thelma came to get you from me and again I walked to the car. Made sure you were buckled in properly, kissed you good-bye and told you to behave for Daddy.
And off you left.
I know that you will be back to me on Sunday, but this is so hard for me. For 3 years it seemed as if I have been the fighting for you to have your Daddy in your life. He didn't even seem to care, and now the court papers are filed and just as easy as pie he gets to have you every other weekend. If he cared and loved you so much, why didn't he fight for you sooner?! I was able to get the money to make it happen...why couldn't he? There are so many thoughts going through my head, I don't even know what to say or do. I hope and pray that everything works out okay for your sake.
Waiting for you to come home to me on Sunday...
Forever & Always,
Mommy
It Only Took Me 3 Years...
Dear Serenity,
Today is the first day that you are spending with your Daddy without me. It's been almost a year since you've spent time with your Daddy without me.
I hope that you are enjoying your time and that you are well-behaved and sleeping soundly.
Hopefully when you come home Sunday, you will not be too bad to put to sleep. Daddy and I have currently come up with an agreement that he will be able to get you every other Friday 5:00 PM to Sunday 5:00 PM. After what has unfolded since court, I am very much rethinking this arrangement.
I want you to be the first to know that I have never given your Daddy any reason to talk to me like he does. I have always been the one who was left hanging while Daddy went to play with his boys. I am able to get over all the shit that Daddy put me through. One promise I made to myself and to your Daddy was that once you arrived, if he continued to choose his boys then he sure as hell did not need us. So that is one of the reasons why your Daddy and I did not last.
You deserve a Daddy who knows what your worth is.
Someone who will defeat all odds and do what he has to do to be your Daddy.
Someone who will not beat around the bush and just half ass his way through life.
You need someone who wants you at all times...Not just when he wants to be "Daddy."
There are no operating hours for Mommy mode or Daddy mode. That was one thing I had to learn really quick. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your Daddy. Maybe I was not bitch enough and allowed your Daddy to just do whatever it was he wanted to do instead of putting my foot down.
Well...I did now. Better late than never right?
I'm pretty sure that there are some people who believes that it's my fault that your Daddy did not come around to see you. I call bullshit.
I'm also pretty sure that there are people who thinks that I'm difficult because I did not "let" your Daddy see you. Again, bullshit.
It makes me wonder if the same people that believes all this knows why our family is torn to pieces.
I doubt it. And whatever it is that they do know from your Daddy...is that it's all my fault.
I wonder if they asked they every asked your Daddy how many times did he try to call you.
How many times did he try to contact you?
How many times did he do anything?
Your Daddy and I broke up in January of 2009.
Things didn't go his way, so as of August 2009 he told me that he wanted nothing to do with me.
Me or my bastard child. So, he stopped all contact with us.
This lasted to April of 2010. For 9 months, he stayed away. We didn't exist to him.
I was not going to beg your Daddy to be a part of your life. That was his own decision.
The only reason he came back into our lives was he emailed me informing that your Grandmother Nikki was moving and she wanted to see you. Your Daddy came back into our lives and became more active in your life. This lasted for two months, and when I wanted to take you to New Orleans to meet my friends, he came to Grandma's house on Thursday at 1:00 AM and banged all on the wall. Total disrespect. He told me that I am not allowed to take you to New Orleans if I did not have his blessings. Again, we fought. He told me that he had been around for 2 months and what more did I want. He was out of our lives for 9 months, and he came back for 2...I can assure you, that is not how you get the "Best Daddy Award." He left. Came back the next night and picked you up. You spent time with your Daddy that weekend. Come Sunday, I came to pick you up and another argument happened. Once again, it didn't go your Daddy's way. He got upset, started banging the walls at your Grandmother's house and scared you. He did a heck of job banging on the walls cause you couldn't even give him a hug good-bye. When I tried to get your car seat out of your Daddy's car, he locked the door to the vehicle AND locked the door to where we could not get back inside the house. That was an eventful day & evening...Since that incident, I was not going to let you stay with your Daddy without me if the court papers were not filed. Neither of us had the money to get the papers filed @ that time. 8 months went by and I was able to get the money to get the papers filed.
To be continued....
Today is the first day that you are spending with your Daddy without me. It's been almost a year since you've spent time with your Daddy without me.
I hope that you are enjoying your time and that you are well-behaved and sleeping soundly.
Hopefully when you come home Sunday, you will not be too bad to put to sleep. Daddy and I have currently come up with an agreement that he will be able to get you every other Friday 5:00 PM to Sunday 5:00 PM. After what has unfolded since court, I am very much rethinking this arrangement.
I want you to be the first to know that I have never given your Daddy any reason to talk to me like he does. I have always been the one who was left hanging while Daddy went to play with his boys. I am able to get over all the shit that Daddy put me through. One promise I made to myself and to your Daddy was that once you arrived, if he continued to choose his boys then he sure as hell did not need us. So that is one of the reasons why your Daddy and I did not last.
You deserve a Daddy who knows what your worth is.
Someone who will defeat all odds and do what he has to do to be your Daddy.
Someone who will not beat around the bush and just half ass his way through life.
You need someone who wants you at all times...Not just when he wants to be "Daddy."
There are no operating hours for Mommy mode or Daddy mode. That was one thing I had to learn really quick. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your Daddy. Maybe I was not bitch enough and allowed your Daddy to just do whatever it was he wanted to do instead of putting my foot down.
Well...I did now. Better late than never right?
I'm pretty sure that there are some people who believes that it's my fault that your Daddy did not come around to see you. I call bullshit.
I'm also pretty sure that there are people who thinks that I'm difficult because I did not "let" your Daddy see you. Again, bullshit.
It makes me wonder if the same people that believes all this knows why our family is torn to pieces.
I doubt it. And whatever it is that they do know from your Daddy...is that it's all my fault.
I wonder if they asked they every asked your Daddy how many times did he try to call you.
How many times did he try to contact you?
How many times did he do anything?
Your Daddy and I broke up in January of 2009.
Things didn't go his way, so as of August 2009 he told me that he wanted nothing to do with me.
Me or my bastard child. So, he stopped all contact with us.
This lasted to April of 2010. For 9 months, he stayed away. We didn't exist to him.
I was not going to beg your Daddy to be a part of your life. That was his own decision.
The only reason he came back into our lives was he emailed me informing that your Grandmother Nikki was moving and she wanted to see you. Your Daddy came back into our lives and became more active in your life. This lasted for two months, and when I wanted to take you to New Orleans to meet my friends, he came to Grandma's house on Thursday at 1:00 AM and banged all on the wall. Total disrespect. He told me that I am not allowed to take you to New Orleans if I did not have his blessings. Again, we fought. He told me that he had been around for 2 months and what more did I want. He was out of our lives for 9 months, and he came back for 2...I can assure you, that is not how you get the "Best Daddy Award." He left. Came back the next night and picked you up. You spent time with your Daddy that weekend. Come Sunday, I came to pick you up and another argument happened. Once again, it didn't go your Daddy's way. He got upset, started banging the walls at your Grandmother's house and scared you. He did a heck of job banging on the walls cause you couldn't even give him a hug good-bye. When I tried to get your car seat out of your Daddy's car, he locked the door to the vehicle AND locked the door to where we could not get back inside the house. That was an eventful day & evening...Since that incident, I was not going to let you stay with your Daddy without me if the court papers were not filed. Neither of us had the money to get the papers filed @ that time. 8 months went by and I was able to get the money to get the papers filed.
To be continued....
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011 at 11:44am
Dear Serenity,
My darling baby girl. You will be proud of me.
It took me 35 months to get it done, but I did it.
After constantly fighting and arguing with your father, I did what I promised to do.
No more fighting, I took it to the courts.
I saw your father today. Looked the same like he always did. Oh, I also saw his girlfriend. Didn't talk to her though cause your father didn't care to introduce us. I figured if he wanted me to know who she was he would have introduced me. But he didn't.
We've come to an agreement as far as visitation is concerned, and I hope that as time passes by I will be better at letting you go with him. But for now, we are taking it day by day.
I hope you realize that I chose to take it to the courts because your father and I were not able to come to an agreement. And for all three of us, it was better to have the courts decide since he and I are both stubborn and hard-headed. I guess now I know where you get it from.
You're father's family has not been speaking to me ever since I served him with the paperwork.
Everyone is busy with their own lives baby girl. But that does not mean that they don't love you.
I thought that after today, I would be happy cause this would be done and over with. We will be revisiting it on May 24th and for now...I can honestly say that I have mixed emotions.
I never wanted our relationship to be taken to the courts but I was not really given a choice after our last encounter with Daddy.
I hope that when you spend time with him you are well-behaved and well-mannered.
Please don't whine too much when you don't get your way.
Please don't pout when your Daddy does not give you what you want to eat.
Please do not ask him for ice cream when you first wake up in the morning.
Don't wake up too early and cause Daddy to wake up. Your Daddy is not a morning person.
He may have changed, but for as long as I can remember, Daddy was a night owl.
Daddy loved to play peek a boo with you when you were younger. You're older now, but you still love it the same.
Be curious with your Daddy just like you are with me. Asking him "what's this?"
Snuggle up with your Daddy when you are in bed. You were with him when you were younger.
If Daddy takes you to the movies, I hope that you are not as rambunctious as you are with me.
Make sure you let Daddy know that you can feed yourself. You're a big girl.
Don't forget to tell Daddy that you gotta go "pee pee in the potty"
Do not keep asking your Daddy for sprite.
More than likely, regardless of what I ask of you I'm sure your father will spoil you.
I just hope he remembers to discipline you as well along side it.
Although he hasn't seen you since January, and even though your Aunt Crystal and your grandmother and grandfather has not seen you either...just know that does not mean they do not love you.
Interesting piece of information your father just texted me. He doesn't like me and he doesn't want me to be a part of his life. Guess what. Too bad, so sad. He's getting you every other weekend so therefore, he's gonna have to deal with me every other weekend that he has you. Remember, Mommy said you can't always get what you want and life does not always turn out the way we would like for it to.
We play the hand we are dealt and make the most of it.
Everyday when I look at you, I see your Daddy more and more.
And I see me through your actions more and more. I hope that drives your Daddy bonkers :D
Just remember. No matter where you are. No matter who you are with. Both your Mommy and Daddy loves you very much. Moon adores you as well, and so does Zoe.
I'm sure that when Daddy's girlfriend meets you, she will come to love you just as much as we do.
I hope that you do not rebel against Moon because he is not Daddy and I hope that you will not do the same toward Daddy's girlfriend because she is not Mommy.
Everyone has the right to be happy.
I can't speak for your Daddy, but at one point in time I was happy with your Daddy.
I can't say that Daddy was happy with me, but apparently if he was...he's not right now...oops.
Moon came into our lives at just the right time.
And I could not be happier. Now if everything with your Daddy gets settled, I will be that much more happier. I hope that as time goes by, your Daddy and I will be friends like we were before he became a bitter ex-boyfriend. For your sake, just know that not all relationships end up with broken hearts.
Mommy kissed her frog and found her prince. I know one day you will too.
And hopefully your Daddy will turn in the that prince for that special princess one day too.
Just know that we will always always always love you :)
Dear Serenity,
My darling baby girl. You will be proud of me.
It took me 35 months to get it done, but I did it.
After constantly fighting and arguing with your father, I did what I promised to do.
No more fighting, I took it to the courts.
I saw your father today. Looked the same like he always did. Oh, I also saw his girlfriend. Didn't talk to her though cause your father didn't care to introduce us. I figured if he wanted me to know who she was he would have introduced me. But he didn't.
We've come to an agreement as far as visitation is concerned, and I hope that as time passes by I will be better at letting you go with him. But for now, we are taking it day by day.
I hope you realize that I chose to take it to the courts because your father and I were not able to come to an agreement. And for all three of us, it was better to have the courts decide since he and I are both stubborn and hard-headed. I guess now I know where you get it from.
You're father's family has not been speaking to me ever since I served him with the paperwork.
Everyone is busy with their own lives baby girl. But that does not mean that they don't love you.
I thought that after today, I would be happy cause this would be done and over with. We will be revisiting it on May 24th and for now...I can honestly say that I have mixed emotions.
I never wanted our relationship to be taken to the courts but I was not really given a choice after our last encounter with Daddy.
I hope that when you spend time with him you are well-behaved and well-mannered.
Please don't whine too much when you don't get your way.
Please don't pout when your Daddy does not give you what you want to eat.
Please do not ask him for ice cream when you first wake up in the morning.
Don't wake up too early and cause Daddy to wake up. Your Daddy is not a morning person.
He may have changed, but for as long as I can remember, Daddy was a night owl.
Daddy loved to play peek a boo with you when you were younger. You're older now, but you still love it the same.
Be curious with your Daddy just like you are with me. Asking him "what's this?"
Snuggle up with your Daddy when you are in bed. You were with him when you were younger.
If Daddy takes you to the movies, I hope that you are not as rambunctious as you are with me.
Make sure you let Daddy know that you can feed yourself. You're a big girl.
Don't forget to tell Daddy that you gotta go "pee pee in the potty"
Do not keep asking your Daddy for sprite.
More than likely, regardless of what I ask of you I'm sure your father will spoil you.
I just hope he remembers to discipline you as well along side it.
Although he hasn't seen you since January, and even though your Aunt Crystal and your grandmother and grandfather has not seen you either...just know that does not mean they do not love you.
Interesting piece of information your father just texted me. He doesn't like me and he doesn't want me to be a part of his life. Guess what. Too bad, so sad. He's getting you every other weekend so therefore, he's gonna have to deal with me every other weekend that he has you. Remember, Mommy said you can't always get what you want and life does not always turn out the way we would like for it to.
We play the hand we are dealt and make the most of it.
Everyday when I look at you, I see your Daddy more and more.
And I see me through your actions more and more. I hope that drives your Daddy bonkers :D
Just remember. No matter where you are. No matter who you are with. Both your Mommy and Daddy loves you very much. Moon adores you as well, and so does Zoe.
I'm sure that when Daddy's girlfriend meets you, she will come to love you just as much as we do.
I hope that you do not rebel against Moon because he is not Daddy and I hope that you will not do the same toward Daddy's girlfriend because she is not Mommy.
Everyone has the right to be happy.
I can't speak for your Daddy, but at one point in time I was happy with your Daddy.
I can't say that Daddy was happy with me, but apparently if he was...he's not right now...oops.
Moon came into our lives at just the right time.
And I could not be happier. Now if everything with your Daddy gets settled, I will be that much more happier. I hope that as time goes by, your Daddy and I will be friends like we were before he became a bitter ex-boyfriend. For your sake, just know that not all relationships end up with broken hearts.
Mommy kissed her frog and found her prince. I know one day you will too.
And hopefully your Daddy will turn in the that prince for that special princess one day too.
Just know that we will always always always love you :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)