Sunday, October 31, 2010 at 9:31pm

Much Needed Advice from Oprah
"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. if he doesnt want you, nothing can make him stay. stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. stop trying to change yourself for a relationship thats not meant to be. slower is better. never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. if a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you cant "be friends". a friend wouldnt mistreat a friend. dont settle. if you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. dont stay because you think "it will get better". you'll be mad at yourself a year later for saying when things are not better. the only person you can control in a relationship is you. avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. he didnt marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? always have your own set of friends, separate from his. maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. if something bothers you, speak up. never let a man know everything. he will use it against you later. you cannot change a man's behaviour. change comes from within. dont ever make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. do not make him into a quasi-god. he is a man, nothing more-nothing less. never let a man define who you are. never borrow someone else's man. if he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. a man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. all men are not dogs. you should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two-way street. you need time to heal between relationships. there is nothing cute about baggage. deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. you should never look for someone to complete you... a relationship consists of two whole individuals. look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. dating is fun... even if he doesnt turn out to be mr.right. make him miss you sometimes... when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. never move into his mother's house. never co-sign for a man. dont fully commit to a man who doesnt give you everything that you need. keep him in your radar but get to know others. share this with other women and men (just so they know)... you'll make someone smile, another rethink his/her choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware." -oprah-


**My friend David sent this to me 4 years ago...** 

Sunday, October 24, 2010  

Nothing I do Seems to Be Right

 I work Monday - Friday from 8 AM - 8 PM

I have Saturdays and Sundays off that I spend with Serenity during the day and night time I take time for my self occasionally.

I went through elementary, middle, and high school where no one really gave a rats ass about me because there were others they worried about more than me.

I left for Disney and had the best and worst experience of my life there and came home,
still went to work full time and school full time...

I graduated from college with NO ONE from family being there to cheer me on as I walked across the stage.
But it didnt matter, cause no matter what I do it's never right

I have a stable job that pays my bills.
My parents offer to help me with Serenity and then they hold it over my head saying I'm not a good enough mother.
It's funny though cause others will leave their child with others and fly out of town for a weekend and they dont say shit...but its always me.

It's funny all you see is what I dont do for Serenity. But do you see what I am doing for my daughter?
I didnt drop out of college when i found out i was pregnant.
I was the first in our family to graduate from college....
I continued to work both Cox and the poboy shop and IN school the entire time.
I went through ups and downs with Ricky and oddly enough the people I needed to comfort me the most was the one who sat there and criticize me and bitch at me.
There was no, it'll be okay. There was you're stupid. Why him when he cant treat you right. Why cant you say the good things?
Do you always have to point out the bad? Do you think I'm that stupid to NOT see it? Everyone is a saint and does everything right but me. I'm the worst there ever is.

I finally see it.  I am not the best daughter in the world. I'm the crappiest mother that ever lived...and frankly...I can say sorry for the rest of my life...and you won't give a care.
So why say sorry for?
Serenity cries and I try to comfort her, and she doesnt stop crying.
So you think you can do better...you take her and guess what she still cries.
Babies didnt come with a booklet of instructions....life didn't come with a booklet of instructions.
I never said anything about all the times you were never there for me...
so why would you sit there and say shit to me like you know what is going through my life.

No one has any idea what is going through my head or everything i've been through in my life.
No one knows what happened...no one understands my decisions...
and frankly i'm not asking anyone to understand my decision.

its sucks that outsiders can see me hurting and ask me whats wrong and yet some thinks im just being overdramatic.

i'm a bitch. i'll be the first to admit.
but until youve been through what ive been through
made the decisions ive made...who are you to judge?

everyone has lived a tough life...others handle it differently.

sorry i dont handle it the way you do
sorry i dont have the dreams and goals that you have for me
sorry i'm not the perfect daughter or sibling
sorry im not the perfect mother to my daughter
but mostly, sorry for not giving a rats ass cause you dont give a rats ass about me.
whats worst...you dont even see it.
funny how life works out.

 

Friday, October 15, 2010

Dear Serenity,

I guess now is better than any other to tell you about the day you were born.

Daddy picked me and grandma up from grandma's house and we made it to the hospital for 5:30 AM on June 3rd, 2008.
We went up to the room and I got settled in.
The connected the meds and stuff that was needed to start the labor.
I was able to feel the contractions...I barely dilated...after 7 hours I was only dilated a few centimeters. So @ 12:30 PM they broke the water bag and after that whenever the contractions came I was starting to feel the pain come more and more intense...by 2:30 PM I was in so much pain. They gave me some pain medicine and I took a nap and eventually the contractions were way too intense I had to get the epidural.
Honestly, that was the best decision I have made in my life!
@ 6:00 they administered the epidural.  I was at 4 centimeters...an hour after the epidural, I was fully dilated and ready to go.
I had to stall for a bit cause your auntie Cathy was on her from the poboy shop. When she arrived, we were ready to bring you into the world.
Dr. Aycock started to have me push and stop. Push and stop. Push and stop...push push push push push...and out you came. Head full of hair and all.
It was kinda funny cause when the epidural was finally working its magic...I was laying in the bed texting everyone
that was amazing.
in labor and still giving updates...
And when you came....Daddy had to cut your umbilical cord.  Took him 3 tries to do it...I wish the nurse had a picture of your face. It was priceless. Unfortunately all she got was the scissor and the umbilical cord.

You only took 14 hours and 20 minutes to grace us with your presence.
And as you grew older I couldnt wait for your next milestone.
I remembered you would just lay in bed.
and stare at me.
I would wonder what you were thinking.
Then you started to roll over...
When that happened i waited for you crawl.
Once you were able to crawl I waited for you to walk.
You walked for Daddy before you walked for me.
And now your running...
I'm going to keep up with you if its the last thing I do.

Okay...its time we watch finding Nemo.
Mommy loves you :)