It Only Took Me 3 Years...

Dear Serenity,

Today is the first day that you are spending with your Daddy without me.  It's been almost a year since you've spent time with your Daddy without me.
I hope that you are enjoying your time and that you are well-behaved and sleeping soundly. 
Hopefully when you come home Sunday, you will not be too bad to put to sleep.  Daddy and  I have currently come up with an agreement that he will be able to get you every other Friday 5:00 PM to Sunday 5:00 PM.  After what has unfolded since court, I am very much rethinking this arrangement.
I want you to be the first to know that I have never given your Daddy any reason to talk to me like he does.  I have always been the one who was left hanging while Daddy went to play with his boys.  I am able to get over all the shit that Daddy put me through.  One promise I made to myself and to your Daddy was that once you arrived, if he continued to choose his boys then he sure as hell did not need us.  So that is one of the reasons why your Daddy and I did not last.
You deserve a Daddy who knows what your worth is.
Someone who will defeat all odds and do what he has to do to be your Daddy.
Someone who will not beat around the bush and just half ass his way through life.
You need someone who wants you at all times...Not just when he wants to be "Daddy."
There are no operating hours for Mommy mode or Daddy mode.  That was one thing I had to learn really quick.  Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your Daddy.  Maybe I was not bitch enough and allowed your Daddy to just do whatever it was he wanted to do instead of putting my foot down.
Well...I did now.  Better late than never right?

I'm pretty sure that there are some people who believes that it's my fault that your Daddy did not come around to see you.  I call bullshit.
I'm also pretty sure that there are people who thinks that I'm difficult because I did not "let" your Daddy see you.  Again, bullshit.
It makes me wonder if the same people that believes all this knows why our family is torn to pieces.
I doubt it.  And whatever it is that they do know from your Daddy...is that it's all my fault.

I wonder if they asked they every asked your Daddy how many times did he try to call you.
How many times did he try to contact you?
How many times did he do anything?
Your Daddy and I broke up in January of 2009.
Things didn't go his way, so as of August 2009 he told me that he wanted nothing to do with me.
Me or my bastard child. So, he stopped all contact with us.
This lasted to April of 2010.  For 9 months, he stayed away. We didn't exist to him.
I was not going to beg your Daddy to be a part of your life.  That was his own decision.

The only reason he came back into our lives was he emailed me informing that your Grandmother Nikki was moving and she wanted to see you.  Your Daddy came back into our lives and became more active in your life.  This lasted for two months, and when I wanted to take you to New Orleans to meet my friends, he came to Grandma's house on Thursday at 1:00 AM and banged all on the wall. Total disrespect.  He told me that I am not allowed to take you to New Orleans if I did not have his blessings.  Again, we fought.  He told me that he had been around for 2 months and what more did I want.  He was out of our lives for 9 months, and he came back for 2...I can assure you, that is not how you get the "Best Daddy Award." He left. Came back the next night and picked you up.  You spent time with your Daddy that weekend.  Come Sunday, I came to pick you up and another argument happened.  Once again, it didn't go your Daddy's way.  He got upset, started banging the walls at your Grandmother's house and scared you.  He did a heck of job banging on the walls cause you couldn't even give him a hug good-bye.  When I tried to get your car seat out of your Daddy's car, he locked the door to the vehicle AND locked the door to where we could not get back inside the house.  That was an eventful day & evening...Since that incident, I was not going to let you stay with your Daddy without me if the court papers were not filed. Neither of us had the money to get the papers filed @ that time.  8 months went by and I was able to get the money to get the papers filed.

To be continued....