Dear Serenity,
This past weekend was your weekend with Ricky. Unfortunately he is not here. I don't know when he will be back but I hope that all goes well for him and his future endeavors. He has left to make sure he is capable of taking care of you later on and I know that he will do all that he can to do what he needs to do to make it happen. He is with Aunt Crystal now and will be there for awhile. He came to see you before he left and spent a few hours with you. Told Mommy that I was doing a great job and gave me some tips in disciplining you so that you don't get too out of hand. I love seeing you enjoy your time with Ricky. He started to tear up and I know that this is not what anyone would have wanted, but I do feel that this was the best thing that could happen to Ricky.
I just hope that he keeps in touch with us. I will be documenting along the way what he is missing. I hope that once he gets to where he is planning on settling. That way we can send him care packages of all that you have been doing.
I do want you to know that whether it is Ricky or I that is not by your side, that does not mean that we do not love you any less. If anything it means that we love you more.
For the past 3 years that you have entered our lives, I never realized how much someone so small could have such and impact on my life. And for that I will always and forever be thankful to you. You are my light. You are the reason why I push and strive to do so much. Just like many parents' wishes for their children, an easy life. As everyday passes you amaze me more and more.
You are steadily growing bigger and getting more and more beautiful. There was a quote I found that I think describes how I feel for you.
And still to this day, you have never left. Ricky made Mommy cry today. It was not intentional...more like bittersweet. Something that I did not expect to happen did. And maybe it's best that things turned out the way they did. Ricky says he has a 2 year plan for us. These next few years are going to be very difficult for Ricky more than it will be for us...
There are some things I want to let you know.Ricky is not here because he does not want to be. He is taking the necessary steps so that as you grow older and may need him more, he will be able to be here. Ricky and Thelma. Daddy Moon and Mommy...there is one thing in common between the 4 of us.That common factor...is you.Like Ricky told me, all of us are a family and you are the glue that holds us together. One thing that I requested from Ricky was to allow me to meet the woman who will be sharing his heart with you...and I am very glad that he has Thelma. And in return, Ricky has mentioned that knowing that we have Daddy Moon will make this journey easier on him because we have someone who loves and cares for us if not as much but more than Ricky.
For as long as I have known Ricky and seen him in his stubborn ways...letting his pride overrule his actions...for the very first time today...He's shown me he has changed in that small way.Yes it's taken him this long...but as the saying goes, better late then never. He loves you and wants to make things better for you. And for me.
At the beginning I started to wonder what all this would mean for you.Taking Ricky to court...Thelma, Daddy Moon...How would my relationship with Ricky be when it involved you?After court, as the weeks went by, Ricky and I became more and more civil...and now he's no longer near by to work on a parent-friendship. Maybe its better that we work on this being away from one another...I guess as time goes by we will see how it will effect you. Am I glad the situation is where it is now?I am glad that Ricky has realized that if it does not go well for him here and he has another opportunity elsewhere to not pass it up.But at the same time I hate that it will cause him to be away from you. Especially just when you were starting to get the idea of going with him every other weekend. And now...we wait.
And honestly, I put all my faith in him and I trust him.All because of you.When I was pregnant with you, everyone hoped he would man up.And I can honestly say, he's starting to and I guess in a sense it is because of you.
So just remember, Just because he is not here, it does not mean he does not love you.It does not mean that he does not wish to be here with you.He will always love you.And wants to never be away from you.But because he has to do whatever it takes to make it easier on all of us,he's making this sacrifice now instead of later.
How crazy is it someone so tiny can make such an impact so big?One of life's little mystery I guess.
Forever and always,Mommy
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