Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving ^_^ There are so many things that I am thankful for...and listing them will take forever...so I'll just cut it down to the two most important ones to me...family and friends.  I love you guys!!! And thanks for the support ^_^ Hopefully everyone's Thanksgiving was drama free... Mine was...I guess it's cause the drama happened, two days before the holiday. How am I taking it?  I'm not even sure. @ times I'm okay, and then there are times when I just want to break down and cry.  And it's not even because of him, but rather what I put myself in.  There is no one to blame but myself...and what can I do?  Everything is already on it's way, and as much support and encouragement I've received from everyone...I can't help but feel so alone.  Now that feeling, is all because of him.  But of course, he doesn't see that.  Somewhere along the way, in all my relationships...it's as if anything went wrong...I would get the blame.  Maybe now is the time that I take for myself.  First off I am finishing school.  After five years, I am finally done...granted I still have one class to finish...but I'll be walking December 7.  Secondly, there's a major change in my life...it's happened all around me, but this time...it's going to be me.  What am I supposed to do?  How am I supposed to handle this?  All on my own.  Without him.  But it's these experiences that makes it so memorable right?  The fact that you handled it all on your own?  If that's the case then why do I feel like crap? Is it possible to love someone...even though you don't want to be with them???  Cause that's still a mystery for me.  How is it that 2 days prior you tell me that your mom called me too selfish for you...and that you go to your boys house to forget about me that you can still love me?