Goodbye 2012...Hello 2013

Dear Serenity,

Only three more hours and this year will be over with and again you amaze me with your spunky personality.  The more I look at you the more I see me in you...and honestly, it scares me.
Not saying that it's a bad thing...but I just hope and pray that as you get older I can be able to be the parent that you need...not one that you want.
I hope that you realize everything that I do I am doing for you.
I have experienced a lot of ups and downs this year...and as long as I have you with me, I don't care.

Mommy is now 28 years old...single parent to you...thankfully I have the help of my family to help raise you.  Things will never be the same after this.  You stopped going to daycare this year.
Ricky left for New Zealand...Grandpa had multiple surgeries...You are an international traveler! Mommy lost a love and fell in love again...You are getting an older sister and a younger sibling...a new Daddy...Will he ever take the place of Ricky?  That is something you will have to determine as you get older. No one can tell you that someone else will take Ricky's place...but I have one promise to make to you and that is I will never keep you away from Ricky.

For the past 5 years that I've known Ricky, I have never hidden from him.
If he wants to contact you he knows how to get in contact with you.
I hope he's keeping a journal of sorts for you.  That way when you grow older you can see what he's been doing...his struggles...his accomplishments...and anything that may fall in between. Things may not be a happily ever after with Ricky and I but I want you to know that it does not change the fact that we both love you very much.  I can't speak for Ricky, but I know for myself...no matter what obstacles come my way NOTHING and NO ONE will ever change the way I feel for you baby girl.

We've also got news that you will have a cousin from your Auntie Crystal!  I remember telling you the news after I found out about it and you said "Mommy, I love baby already!"  And you wanted Auntie Crystal to name baby "Baby"...I do believe Auntie Crystal is contemplating that name for the time being...You also spoke with your Grandmother.  We've been waiting for Nanu to come over with your presents.  You've been waiting patiently and asking me about them too.  Patience is a virtue.

You have gotten very mischievous...still somewhat wondering if that is a good thing or a bad thing...but I'm sure in due time I will find out soon enough.
And when that day comes I have a feeling I'm gonna be pulling my hair out.  Of course in a good way. Mommy will always love you baby girl.

There's a saying..."No one knows the strength of my love for you.  After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."  I realize that my parents have a harsh way of showing compassion and what not to me when it comes to how I raise and discipline you...is it because of how I'm doing it?  Is it the right way?  I don't think there is a right or wrong way...more of trial and errors.
If I discipline you one way and that doesn't work than I switch and go to another method. I think as of now that's the best way for us. So far "you get into trouble, I take away your iPad" method seems to be working okay so far. You haven't repeated what you got in trouble for...you've just been getting into different troubles...as I said before...mischievous....and you know what? I wouldn't want it any other way =)

Forever and Always,
Mommy