Cloud 9 or Bust...
I need help with paying the babysitter.
Asked him to help me pay half.
He told me to let him watch her so that way I wouldn't have to pay the babysitter.
So I agreed and I decided to do alternating weeks with him. That way he wouldn't be overwhelmed being with Serenity twenty four seven....
He agreed.
Picked her up Sunday night.
I was supposed to come and see her while she was with him Monday & Wednesday nights and then pick her up Fridays.
However, I rethought it and figured it would be best if he and I saw as little of each other as possible. So I decided that I would not come see her during the week, but just wait till Friday to pick her up. That would give him time to spend with her without me intruding in on his time.
Monday evening I get a text saying that he's out of diapers.
Since I was not going to be there till Friday I replied to him telling him that Walmart was just 5 minutes away from his house and he could go buy her some more diapers.
He got upset...and he tells me to come pick her up.
It was for one day. He watched her for one day.
Serenity does not have his last name because during the entire pregnancy he act as if she was not coming. Even after she came he still throws it in my face that she's not his. Even to this day it's the same thing...
Whenever we get in an argument he'll say she's not his.
And I tell him the same thing everytime.
"If she's not yours than don't bother me. Don't text me, don't call me. Just leave us alone and let us be."
I can't decide on what's better.
Having him apart of her life and coming and going whenever he has a happy day...
or
Having him act as if we don't exist like he is currently doing now.
I would love for him to have a relationship with Serenity, but if it's going to be only when it's convenient for him...why bother with it?
He'll take her and spend time with her or come see her and then resent me for it.
Throw in my face that because she doesn't have his last name that she's not his daughter.
No one knows our relationship but Ricky & I.
Ricky knows the reason behind everything I've done when it's involved Serenity.
He knows where, when, what, & why everything between us is the way it is.
It's just a shame that he can't tell his family the reason why, so they automatically feel that it's my fault. Which is fine by me. Cause what goes around comes around.
I know that I did nothing wrong.
Not only that but I've allowed Ricky the opportunity to be apart of Serenity's life time and time again.
And each time it's the same thing.
Just like when we were dating.
He'll do okay for a little while.
Then when it starts to get good...
He says the hell with it.
And yet maybe in the idiot for allowing him the opportunity to do so.
I don't know.
Blame me for having a heart...
I don't know what to do.
How do I know when enough is enough?
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On the upside of my life...I could not ask for someone better than Darren to be a part of my life right now.
Of course I feel kinda bad for everything he has to deal with cause of me.
It seems as if half of our conversations revolve around Ricky.
And yet Darren still puts up with my ranting & raving about Ricky.
Most guys will see that baby daddy drama and say "screw that" and leave.
If I remember correctly, I gave Darren that opportunity to back out of this relationship and he didn't.
And I could not be any more thankful.
He is the most caring and kind person that I have met.
He constantly tells me how beautiful I am (still trying to figure that one out)
And he has this smirk that is so irresistable (plus his butt ain't too shabby)
We mostly sit around the house and watch tv and just spend time with one another.
Serenity adores him and he adores her as well.
Darren has so many qualities that makes him so great...that will have to go on a blog all on it's own. :)
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