Confessions of a Single Mother

Welcome to Dear Serenity. An online journal I am keeping for my baby girl. I hope that as she grows older she will see how much she is loved by everyone and some major events that happened in her life. Something she will never remember, but I will never forget.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Saturday May 30, 2009

Almost 1 Year Down...Forever to Go


Dear Serenity,

It's almost your first birthday and what can I say.
I still can't believe you are almost walking now.
Just yesterday it seemed as if you were just laying in the bed looking at the light and at me and giving me all your goofy faces.
So many memories flood my mind when I think of you baby girl.

I remember when I saw the pregnancy test confirm you were coming.
I remember when I first saw you as a peanut inside me. We could make out your head and body :)
I remember when I first heard your heartbeat.
I remember the first time I felt you kicking me while you were inside.
I remember the many cases of hiccups you'd have while in my tummy.
I remember the first time the nurse told me you'd have a head full of hair.
I remember the first time they told me they saw that you were a girl...that visit was the only visit that Daddy was with me.
I remember the ducky I bought from Cracker Barrel when I went to eat with Andrew before you came.
I remember many of the times that I cried because I was so upset with your father.
I remember the morning of when I went to have you.
I remember the white dress I was wearing, which I can't seem to find right now :(
I remember the first signs of the contractions when they induced the labor.
I remember the feeling that I felt when they broke the water bag.
I remember the nurses adjusting the monitor on my belly so that we can get a good reading on your heartbeat
I remember having to have my blood pressure taken every so often while in the labor room.
I remember being in labor room 4
I remember your Auntie Minie & Uncle Melvin coming to visit me.
I remember my friend Jason coming to see me.
I remember Daddy was going to go home and get the laptop for me to play on and I had to call him and tell him they were breaking my water bag, this happened at 12:30.
I remember feeling the pains of the contractions starting around 2:30. 
I remember the nurses administering me some pain medicine and continuously asking me if I wanted them to turn the light off.
I remember telling them no.
I remember Grandma Mimi sleeping in the makeshift sofa in the room.
I remember how cold the room was.
I remember watching Deliver Me on TLC.
I remember falling asleep for 3 hours before the true pain of the contractions started.
I remember the doctor coming in and seeing me crying in pain from contractions.
I remember the nurses telling me "DON'T PUSH"
I remember telling them that "I'm not pushing, I'm just hurting!"
I remember the doctor telling me they're gonna administer the epidural cause I shouldn't be in so much pain.
I remember the doctor coming in and I had to sit reaching for my toes while he gave me the epidural.
I remember the numerous text messages after the epidural.
I remember the nurses bring in the blue sheets to cover me before you came.
I remember the nurses telling me to push and then telling me to stop.
I remember asking the nurses to wait because your Auntie Kathy was not there.
I remember pushing.
I remember Auntie Kathy & Grandma Mimi asking me if I was hurting...I told them no.
I remember the pressure of you trying to come out into the world.
I remember the doctor lifting you up and I got to see you for the very first time.
I remember seeing you take your first breathe after your father cut the umbilical cord.
I remember them cleaning you up.
I remember being very cold and having numerous sheets thrown on me to keep me warm. 
I remember them handing you to me so that they can wheel me into room 306.
I remember your Auntie Nhi, Uncle Martin, and David coming to see us when we got in the room.
I remember Daddy staying in the room with us.
I remember not being able to sleep.
I remember everyone coming to visit us the next day.
I remember dressing you for your hospital pictures.
I remember buying your hospital outfit, I even got your initials monogrammed on it. 
I remember them coming in and pricking you on the foot for the tests.
I remember the milk bottles and nipples.
I remember the yellow line that turns green when you've wet the diaper.
I remember them bringing in the uv light cause you have jaundice.
I remember them finally telling me that we could take you home...5 days later.
I remember dressing you in your duck outfit to bring you home.
I remember finally being at home with you.
I remember the first time you started to hold your bottle.
I remember the first time you started to hold you head up.
I remember the first time you rolled over.
I remember the first time you started to crawl.  That was Thanksgiving 2008 while your Auntie Crystal and Uncle Dan were in town to visit.
I remember the first time you started to walk.  You walked to Gogo before you walked to me.  You even walked to Daddy sooner than that...
I remember you waking up at 4 AM and when I look at you, you smile.
I remember feeding you your baby food.
I remember making your bottles.
I remember changing your diapers.
I remember your bath times.
I remember buying you clothes throughout the year.
And  now, with less than 4 days away...I'll remember your first birthday.

These are just some of the major memories that flood my mind whenever you cross it baby girl.
You have no idea how happy I am that you are a part of my life.
As I told  you before, no matter what happens with your father and I, you will always be loved. 
I will always love you.
For now and always.

Mommy loves you baby girl.

Hugs & Kisses
Mommy

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