Saturday, March 29, 2008

Foolish... So I was driving to babies r us to add more stuff to my registry and "Foolish" by Ashanti came on the radio.  It's been ages since I've heard that song!  And boy let me tell you...when I did hear it... listening to the lyrics...somehow, I couldn't help but feel that the relationship that I am currently in... maybe I'm the "foolish" one. Then again, I wonder if I can even label what I'm in a relationship. And on the side that it could be a relationship, I would have no idea how it would be looked at. It's funny how the two people invovled in a relationship, each see something different. But yet...everyone else OUTSIDE of the relationship sees something totally different. I am a hopeless romantic. Things have to go completely wrong in order for me to give up on a relationship. There may have been ONE time when I gave up...but for three relationships that I know of, I fought for the relationship to stay alive.  Two are buried...one...sadly, I don't know where the status of that one is. I have never been one to make my boyfriend change their habits.  Not now.  Not ever. If they were into something prior to being with me, I don't expect them to quit it. I just don't like being left in the dark. Don't leave me out of things in your life when you claim you love me. And I guess for some guys that is asking a bit too much. Eh, who knows.  I sure as hell don't know. For 23 years (going on 24), I still cannot decipher the ways of men. Is it just me? Cause apparently everyone else around me is happy and chipper. And me...I'm just...yea. here. And sometimes it doesn't even seem like that's the case. *sigh* Then...there are times when I'm invisible. Like to him. Love is complicated...and to have a baby involved makes it even worse >_< Even though things are slowly not progressing... I am trying my darnest to keep my mind on the one thing that matters the most to me right now. Serenity...and I feel like I'm not doing her justice cause of all these issues I have going on in my life. It sucks that she's caught in the midst of my thoughts and emotions. Mommy is so sorry. I'm trying baby girl. I'm trying.