Sunday, March 30, 2008

Lonely... For someone who has a baby growing inside of my belly, I have never felt more alone than ever. I just don't get it. I really don't understand. I guess I'm stupid for thinking that everything was okay. come to find out they all hate me. And that hurts.  a lot. I finally get the idea that he does not care for me like I had thought he did... and I accepted it. Cause I love him. and that eventually things will begin to look up for me only to find out that everything is going the complete opposite direction. It hurts to know that no one wants you. And you're forced to go through a life changing event without anyone to constantly be by your side. I'm trying so hard to be strong. For Serenity. For me. But I can't do it anymore. I don't know if things would be different if I was not pregnant, but that does not matter. Cause it doesn't change the fact that I am. But deep down inside I just wish everything was different. I can't even smile and be happy without faking it anymore. I stress out beyond my limit... I'm scared out of my mind about Serenity and no one is here to help me. It's not the fact that they don't want to help... I don't think anyone knows how to help. I don't even know how to help myself.