Sunday, April 20, 2008

While Everyone Was Out...  @ Coffee Call, Nhi & I fiddled with the camera and took pictures.  I think the pictures came out really cute ^_^   Lately Serenity and Duckie has been getting acquainted.  Her Auntie Nhi & Kristie told me that while I am sleeping in the hospital...they are going to dress Serenity up in a duck suit.  Therefore, eversince then, I've associated plenty of duck things to Serenity.  I've purchased 2 outfits with duckies on them and gotten her the duck plush.  I also went and go some more clothes for her...and I have a co-worker that recently had a baby girl that has been helping me with some 0-3 month clothes for Serenity.  Ricky text me one day and said he got clothes for too, but I haven't seen him since Tuesday night...and I havent heard from him since Thursday.  So where does that leave us?  Simple.  Serenity's mommy and daddy. Nothing more. Nothing less. @ least not now.  Who knows what the future will hold right? Things have been slowly getting better for me.  Plenty of people are comforting me and for the time being...Not having Ricky a part of my life...it's okay. And I've come to terms with that.  Like EVERYONE says...right now it's not about Ricky & I....it's about Serenity.  And she's top priority for me right now.  Whether or not her father thinks of her...that I don't know.  Amazingly as it seems, his friends seems to worry about my well-being and hers more than he does.  I don't know.  He confuses me.  One moment he'll be the person I met and fell in love with....and then he'll the next minute he'll completely ignore me.  I'd have more respect for him if he was to answer the phone when I call and tell me that he doesn't want to talk to me rather than ignore me...but we can't have what we always want.  He told me he doesn't want to be in the delivery room when Serenity comes...don't know if it's cause he doesn't care...or if he can't handle being in that environment.  If that's the case, he might as well head to South Carolina for his sister's wedding.  Least he can do is be unselfish and make one of us happy.  Not like he's making me happy now O_o Not seeing him or talking to him was difficult at first.  But as Serenity flips and turns in my stomach...it doesn't even matter anymore.  Why should we care, if he doesn't.  At the rate this is going...if I get the 3d ultrasound, no point in calling him to come.  And when I go into labor, no point in calling him either.  Maybe after she comes we can call him to come meet her.  But than again, why should I call when he knows my number to call and see how we are doing.  If he truly cares...he'd call.  But since he doesn't call...I guess that would be that he doesn't care? Not too far into the pregnancy, some people had told me that there is a way that he can be there for the baby and not for me.  He recently told me the same thing.  And at first I didn't understand it.  I mean....until she's born she's a part of me...and then I thought about it.  And I guess they are right.  He can be there for the baby and not for me.  I understand it now.  Doctor's appointments, ultrasound, baby classes....if he can be there for the baby and not for me he would attend such appointments.  Whether big or small...he would still go.  I've got 7 appointments ...2 ultrasounds....and 2 baby classes (scheduled so far).  Out of all of this...he's only been to 1 appointment and 1 ultrasound.  The first ultrasound was scheduled December 4th @ 8:00 am.  He didn't go to it because he couldn't wake up.  But yet about a week or two earlier, he was able to get up at 6:00 am and go with his best friend and his little sister to New Orleans for a modeling tryout.  Last time I checked, 6 came before 8 O_o  The first baby class was held April 8th & 9th. The class basically showed couples how to identify when labor was actually taking place and other comfort measures that support person can assist the mothers.  I guess since he didn't care to be in the delivery room there was no point in him going cause on the day of the class, he tells me he didn't like the way I was acting and he didn't go.  The next class is being held May 5th & 6th.  He claims he'll be attending that one too.  This one basically educates us on how to take care of Serenity. When he found out about this class his response was "I already know how to take care of a baby."  Who am I to force him into going when he doesn't want to go.  It really sucks to walk into the classroom and see all these couples.  And I have Julie and not the father of my child.  It seems as if everyone but her father seems to show me that they care for her.  So far all I've gotten from him is a text message "I got clothes for her."