Saturday, March 29, 2008

Foolish... So I was driving to babies r us to add more stuff to my registry and "Foolish" by Ashanti came on the radio.  It's been ages since I've heard that song!  And boy let me tell you...when I did hear it... listening to the lyrics...somehow, I couldn't help but feel that the relationship that I am currently in... maybe I'm the "foolish" one. Then again, I wonder if I can even label what I'm in a relationship. And on the side that it could be a relationship, I would have no idea how it would be looked at. It's funny how the two people invovled in a relationship, each see something different. But yet...everyone else OUTSIDE of the relationship sees something totally different. I am a hopeless romantic. Things have to go completely wrong in order for me to give up on a relationship. There may have been ONE time when I gave up...but for three relationships that I know of, I fought for the relationship to stay alive.  Two are buried...one...sadly, I don't know where the status of that one is. I have never been one to make my boyfriend change their habits.  Not now.  Not ever. If they were into something prior to being with me, I don't expect them to quit it. I just don't like being left in the dark. Don't leave me out of things in your life when you claim you love me. And I guess for some guys that is asking a bit too much. Eh, who knows.  I sure as hell don't know. For 23 years (going on 24), I still cannot decipher the ways of men. Is it just me? Cause apparently everyone else around me is happy and chipper. And me...I'm just...yea. here. And sometimes it doesn't even seem like that's the case. *sigh* Then...there are times when I'm invisible. Like to him. Love is complicated...and to have a baby involved makes it even worse >_< Even though things are slowly not progressing... I am trying my darnest to keep my mind on the one thing that matters the most to me right now. Serenity...and I feel like I'm not doing her justice cause of all these issues I have going on in my life. It sucks that she's caught in the midst of my thoughts and emotions. Mommy is so sorry. I'm trying baby girl. I'm trying.

Waiting for Baby Serenity ^_^

Friday March 28, 2008

Waiting for Baby Serenity ^_^

29 weeks has gone by now. And day by day I feel her moving more and more. The initial ultrasound on January 29 stated that the baby I have inside of me is a little girl. I’m hoping that within the next two weeks I’ll be able to have that verified with a 4-d ultrasound. More than likely I’ll have that done...but only time will tell.
My belly is slowly getting bigger and bigger. It’s still kinda hard to believe that little ole me got a belly!
I can rub on my belly now!!! It’s so neat and weird at the same time...
A lot has been going on lately. Mainly things that I am not sure of what the outcome will be. But I have hopes that everything will be okay.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Thoughts On My Mind.... Lately my mind has been overworking. Things are just getting to the point where I have no idea what I am thinking about anymore. I find myself being jealous of someone who I do not even know. And it's not because of the guy that she's with...but more of what they have. It seems as if what I want...she has with her someone. So I sit and wonder... When will it be my turn? I guess this waiting is a result of past relationships that I stupidly caused to end. 2 long distance relationships back-to-back, down the drain... and now I have a local boyfriend, a baby on the way and yet this relationship seems so far from where I was hoping it would be. I guess my romantic views are starting to take a turn on my mind and it sucks that the way I imagined it is not happening.

Just thinking.....

Sunday March 16, 2008

Just thinking.....

I want with Ricky, what others have with theirs....

On a side note, Serenity is growing bigger.
How do I know?
Simple...my belly is growing.
^_^

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Joys Of Pregnancy Seems to be never ending.  And it doesn't help much that the weather can't seem to make up its mind to stay one or the other.  Instead it keeps getting worse and my body is having a hard time keeping up with such a change. The aching body...the horrible mornings...the endless days...things just seems to get worse and worse as time goes on.  This morning I had to be at the hospital to take a gestational diabetes test.  That drink was gross.  10 oz...ewwwww....then I had to walk around...pretty much entertain myself for an hour before they drew my blood.  I wish I knew how pregnancy really is...but even with everyone's advices it still seems as if I'm on my own with this. Hopefully things will get better. On a side note, I have yet to take any pictures of my growing belly.  If you haven't seen me recently...trust me.  It's visible now. No more "You're pregnant?! Where is it?! I don't see it!"  Well... you do now.  Trust me.  I can feel her moving and at times it's really neat and at times it's really weird.  It's just one of those things.  I'll be on the phones with the customers and she'll start kicking me and moving.  It's funny seeing my belly go round to pointy all because of what she decides to do.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Effects of Pregnancy I have NEVER felt the way I am feeling now...And frankly I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing.  I just wish I knew the reason why I feel the way I feel.  Serenity is starting to kick more often now.  It's so weird...neat, but weird all at the same time.  So many things are going through my  mind.  Like how am I going to be a mommy? Half the people I meet tell me that as time goes by I'll get the hang of it. Is it true?  I just wish I knew.  In this case, I bet if you give me a handbook on how to be a mommy, I'd still suck.  I don't know...This week has been a terrible and emotional rollercoaster for me.  So many things are going on...Mommy and Daddy are planning their trip to Vietnam...and it's either going to be right before Serenity's birth...or after.  I don't think they are going to be here for her one month celebration.  oh well...

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Halfway to Motherhood... I'm approximately 23 weeks...and it is exciting and tiring at the same time. For those who didn't hear...Ricky and I will be parents to a darling baby girl ^_^ We found out on January 29, 2008...The nurse who was doing the ultrasound asked us if she could see it did we want to know.  I was like sure...Ricky was just like whatever...I positioned myself to get the ultrasound, the gel was squirted on my belly (It's getting big now O_o) and when she put that thing (I don't know what it's called) on my belly, we saw the baby magically appear on the screen...Apparently we had a clear shot of our baby girl's *ahem*. She was perfectly positioned for us to see her in all her glory...Apparently she like cuddling up to the right side of the belly...(See...I knew my belly was round on one side and flat on the other side) At 21 weeks, her heart is fully developed along with her spinal cord, her liver, kidneys, brain, thigh bones, you can really see her profile clearly too...She was so adorable...We must of interrupted her sleep cause we were able to see her stretching in my stomach...she even had her hand on her forehead like she's distressed or something...(that's how her daddy sleeps when I bug him) but already like father, like daughter.  Haven't really finalized her name yet...I just know it's going to be crazy long...as of now her name is 25 letters long...still room for change...but yea... Serenity Thuong Nguyen Lovan Serenity is a name that I have chosen for my baby girl ever since I was 15 years old...and no one...I repeat...NO ONE will change my mind in naming her Serenity.  As far as Nguyen & Lovan that's my last name and Ricky's last name...Thuong is love in Vietnamese...So basically her name translates to calm & peaceful love at least that's my interpretation of her name ^_^  Still debating if my last name will be a part of her last name too...or just her middle name...And then Ricky would like to have another name added to her name too...@ the rate we're going our baby girl won't be able to spell/write out her name until she's 18 >_< She's been very active. Especially at night.  I feel her constantly moving.  It feels weird and neat at the same time.  I still can't believe I'm carrying a baby in my belly...It feels unreal.  I can't wait till she is bigger...I'm looking forward to the restless nights and her learning how to turn and flip inside my belly ^_^  I'm already tired...won't be surprised if I'll be even more tired, but yea...Come June (at the latest...) it will all be worth it when I get to hold Serenity in my arms.  Can't wait! Oh yes...Serenity & I hope everyone had a great Chinese/Vietnamese New Year and hope that you have a Happy Valentine's Day!!!